Trying to Find a Way

Chapter twenty

It surprises me how much I love Troy.

I never used to believe in love.  It seemed like a dream, a fairy-tale.

My mind has changed since then, and it scares me.

It's hard for me to not be with Troy.   Even if it's five minutes, I miss him.

My mind, my heart aches for his presence.

I'm laying on my bed, thinking.  That's all I've been doing lately.

How did I start to get friends?  Do they feel sorry for me? 

Is Troy just with me because of my horrible past?

This is why I don't like to be alone.  My mind starts to wonder, just thinking.

So I sit here, waiting for Troy so my mind comes back into place; come back to a place where I'm happy.

I curl up into a ball wanting to disappear.

Closing my eyes, I dream.

+++++++++++++++

My heart races. I'm running.  My mind can't comprehend why I'm running.  All I know is that I have to keep running.  My breathing is getting heavy.

I

can't

breath.

I don't know if I'm screaming.

"Carolina--Carolina-wake up." Someone shakes me.

My body is jerking.

My eyes shoot open.

I flinch at Troy.

Water fills my eyes.  Why? Why am I crying?

"Hey," Troy softly says, "it was only a dream."

Troy pulls me closer to him.

I'm shaking.

"It's okay.  I'm here." Troy whispers into my ear.

I nod.

We stay like this for what it seems like hours.

"What happened?" He asked.

I sigh and take a deep breath.

"Nothing." I mumble.

"Don't lie to me, Carolina.  I know somethings wrong." Troy says.

"I don't want you to worry about me." I say and look into his eyes.

So

so

beautiful

eyes.

"You're making me worry about you more now that your not telling me." He simply says.

I should tell him.

"Well I never told you this but I think I have something wrong with me.  When I'm alone, in my own thoughts, it's-it's.." I trail off.

"It's what?" Troy asked.

"It's torture.  The nightmares that were real come into my mind flooding my brain making want to just disappear," I close my eyes to tell this part, "I miss you like crazy when I'm not with you."

Troy stays silent letting me speak, but I'm done talking..for now.

"I miss you like crazy too.  I constantly look at the clock at practice, wanting to call you to make sure you are okay. I love you so much." He says and breaths.