Trying to Find a Way

Chapter fifteen

"So who would've thought that James and Ashley would be together?" Troy asked playfully.

"I have no idea." I reply dumbly.

I put my chin under my chin pretending to be thinking.

"I got it!" I scream.

"Who? Tell me, tell me, tell me!" Troy yells like a little kid.

"We did!" I whisper into Troy's ear.

He smile and gives me a high five.

"We should create an online dating company! We would make billions!" I suggest.

Troy starts to laugh at me.

"I'm serious!" I say as I chuckle to myself.

"You have the craziest mind, sweet heart." Troy says.

I look at him. Did he just give me a nick name?

"Sweet heart huh?" I ask Troy.

"Oh yes. I thought you needed a nickname, so I chose sweet heart." Troy explained.

"Aw that's so so cute! Now you need a nickname!" I yell.

"I don't need one." He said to me.

I smile and think of one.

"How about..."I trail off thinking.

Nothing comes to mind.

"How about nothing!" Troy says.

I shake my head indicating no.

Troy lets out a deep sigh and runs his hand through his hair.

"Are you hungry?" I ask.

My stomach is growling like a lion.

"Yes! I've been waiting for you to ask me." Troy said and walked into the kitchen.

We decide that pizza sounds good. My eyes wonder over to the clock above the oven; nine-o-five it reads.

I text my mom asking if she was working late.

In the mean time, Troy calls one of the pizza places in town.

We sit on the couch, hand laced in hand. Troy twirls his thumb against my hand. I take notice how soft his hands are. They are smooth and as soft as a blanket.

"Troy?" I ask.

"Yes?"

"When did you cut and when did you stop?" I question.

He tenses up.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to talk about it." I immediately add on.

"No I'll tell you. You should know." Troy says softly.

I nod.

"Well I started to cut at least two months before Tory's death. I didn't cut often. I only did it if I felt so hopeless. She knew about it, she was the only one who knew about it too," He says. "Tory used to help me with everything. I loved her. Once she passed away, I cut a lot more. I didn't know how to stop, I was hopeless, I felt like nothing. I didn't care about anything in the world."

"My mom found me one night cutting. She knew what it was about. My mom took me to therapy. That helped a lot. I stopped cutting the day after therapy. That's why I hate to see you like that. I want to help you because it reminds me how I felt. You couldn't feel much different then what I felt." His voice becomes a whisper.

"How did you feel like?" I ask.

"I felt hopeless, worthless, selfish for acting this way and so many thoughts rush through my brain like they don't fit it, like I don't fit in." Troy barely says.

"I felt like that.  Exactly like that." I whisper to him.

He slowly leans in, closing my eyes as he did. 

Our lips touch. 

Fire rushes up my arms.

The door bell rings.

Troy sighs in frustration.  He goes up to the door preparing to give the money to the pizza guy.

He opens the door.  My breath gets caught, tight, my lungs no longer know how to work.

It's one of Bea's 'friends'.  She is the one friend how would stick with my sister no matter what.  I guess they were best friends.  Her friend even punched my once, and to add on to that, clawed at me.  I have a scar on my shoulder because of her.

Troy gives her the money and shuts the door without saying thank you.

"Why didn't you say thank you?" I ask.

"Because I knew who she was." That is all he had to say.

We both walk into the kitchen to eat pizza.  Troy and I only like to eat cheese pizza.  Yes we are boring, plain, but whatever.

We finish a medium pizza, just the two of us.

"We are pigs." Troy says and sighs at the thought of pizza.

I giggle and nod at him.

I check my phone to see if my mom replied.  Finally I see a notification with her name on it.

I swipe my phone to open the message.

Mom: Hi honey.  I'm at work now and later I am going over to a friends.  You have the house to yourself.  Be safe.  Love you.

I respond with okay and I love you.

"What did your mom say?" Troy asked.

"She is going over to a friends house, so we have the house to ourselves." I explain.

He nods with a smirk.

We go back to the couch where we were interrupted.

"Now where were we?" Troy questioned.

I give him a confused face.

"I don't know." I respond acting dumb.

"Well let me refresh your memory." He responded.

I nod and look into his beautiful eyes.  They are filled with emotions, oh so many.  So many memories, lies, sercrets, love.

He leans in once again and I close my eyes in habit.

Our lips touch.

Fire works

explode

everywhere.

I wrap my arms around his neck.  His hands snake around my waist.

The stress, sadness, anger, confustioin are know washed away by this kiss.

This kiss is not like the others.  It's meaningful, loving.  We put all of our emotions into this one kiss.

Troy.  The first person whoever accepted me.  Who loves me for me.  He protects me, is my best friend.  Without him, I could be dead.

"I-love--you." He says through the kiss.

I return the words.

Three words that mean so much, so much behind these three words.

I

love

you.

Memories, kisses, hand laced with hand, doing anything for each-other; thats love. 

That's why I love him.