Trying to Find a Way

Chapter eighteen

We jog back to Troy's house. I help Troy with the pacing of breathing. He seems to be getting the hang of it.

His mom meets us at the front door.

"Good morning mom!" Troy says in a cheerful voice.

"Good morning to you two. I just wanted to let you know Troy that your baseball practice starts this afternoon at four to six." His mom explained.

He nods and walks past his mom. I smile at her and follow Troy.

"You didn't tell me that you were starting baseball again." I say to him.

He is cutting an apple in half.

Troy looks up at me with a guilty expression.

"I know," he says, "I didn't want you to worry about me driving around." He mumbled.

The wreck

The memories

All forgotten

And now

They are back

I can't afford to loose him.

Shocked, I walk up to him and give him a hug.

"It's okay. You could've told me. I'll worry but I know you'll be okay." I say to him.

Relief spreads across his face. He gives me a small smile; I return it.

I help him cut up apples. We are having peanut butter with apples.

Troy also grabs chocolate milk. He hands me a cup.

I give him a confused look.

"It's good for your muscles." He simply says.

I nod in reply.

We eat our snakes in silence.

"So are you on a travel team?" I question and break the silence.

He finishes chewing his apples before he answers.

"Yes," he replies, "My friends and I were picked to be on a really popular travel team."

"Wow that's so great Troy!" I give him a tight hug. "When do you have practices?"

His expression changes.

Troy takes a deep breath in and releases it.

"We have practice everyday, but I'll still be back in time to hang out with you." He said quietly.

"It's fine. Look, I'm not going to be that kind of girlfriend who doesn't want you to hang out with anyone but me. Go hang out with your friends." I reply truthfully.

I've been feeling like I keep Troy to myself. I don't want to and act like that kind of girlfriend.

"Are you sure? I'll drive you to school and back." Troy quickly says.

"I'm positive." I say with a smile.

He returns it and pecks my cheek.

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Troy and I are playing a Hunger Games game, I am winning but Troy is right behind me.

We are playing trivia. We get really competitive, so we are now wrestling.

"You cheating." Troy says as he jumps on top of me, but being carful not to put his weight on me.

"No I didn't." I say and flip him so that he is on the bed and I'm on top of him.

"Then explain how you won!" He says and picks me up by the armpits.

He places me onto the floor and starts to tickle me.

An instant giggle comes out of my mouth and soon I'm roaring out laughter.

"Tell me women!" He yells and chuckles.

"I'm-j-just-so good." I try to say.

"Liar!" He yells.

"I--I've--played--this-game-before!" I confess.

He stops tickling me.

"When have you played this?" He asked.

"Well, funny story actually..." I trail off.

"What did you do?" Troy asked.

"Well I um sorta stole it from you and played it to memorize it so that I could beat you." I mumble.

"You what?" Troy says with an evil smirk.

He starts to walk closer to me.

I get up and start to walk backwards, feeling a sudden moment where this has happened before.

Soon enough, my back is pressed against the wall.

I'm stuck.

No place to hide.

No place to run.

My heart starts to go into overload.  Beating fast enough to run a marathon.

Troy has found me.  He puts both of his arms on both sides of my head.

"What did you do?" He whispers into my ear.

My heart flutters at his voice.  It doesn't last long.  Almost immediately my heart goes back to it's overload beating.

"Nothing." I mumble.

"You said more than nothing, Carolina." He keeps his voice has a whisper.

I don't know how it's possible for my heart to beat faster than what it is doing now.

"Um..." I trail off.

"Tell me sweet heart." He softly says in my ear.

"I stole your game so that I could win, to beat you," I say, "I just want you to be proud of me.  You are strong, talented at many things, and you fast.  Not to mention you are incredibly handsome.  There are other girls out there who are prettier, talented, not me.  I'm just a nerd. " I whisper back to him.

Troy stares at me.

A sad and guilty expression flows onto his face.  I've seen this face way to many times today.

"Carolina, you don't need to win to make me proud of you.  You make me proud everyday by becoming stronger, and becoming more self confident.  It's amazing how you pick yourself up, how you stopped cutting." He says to me.

I close my eyes and feel Troy take his hands off the wall.  I feel one of his hands on my cheek.  Fireworks, numbness shoots through my body.

"Open your eyes please." He says.

I open them as he said so.

"You are so so beautiful." He says and kisses me.

Like before, an electric current shoots through my whole body.  Magic, my skin is burning from the fireworks, the electric current.

Why hasn't my heart fallen out of my rib cage yet?  It's fluttering and beating so hard, so powerful.

"Troy get ready for baseball practice!" His mom yells from downstairs.

He pulls away.  Our foreheads touch.

"I love you." He says.

I close my eyes.

"I love you too." I reply.

Somehow my arms got around his neck; his arms around my waist.

"I should get ready." He says.

I pull away and nod.

I lay on his bed as he gets ready.

Before he goes I give him a kiss.

"Be careful." I say to him.

"I will." He replies.