Trying to Find a Way

Chapter thirteen

"What is it?" I ask.

"Well we've been meeting to tell you this.  We are going on a vacation is March to Florida.  We would like to know if you would like to come." Jordan beamed.

Excitment rushed through me.  They want me to on vacation with them!

"Would my mom come?" I curiously said. 

Even though I'm just starting to trust my mom, I would like to make memories with her, fun memories.

"Yes of course!  We wanted your imput on it.  We didn't want to ask your mom when you didn't want to come." Troy added in.

"I would love to go!" I say, "My mom would most likely come too." I explain.

Jordan turned back around to face forward.  I could tell she is smiling. Troy takes my hand into his.

I started to think about Troy's dad.  Doesn't he like me?  Why isn't he around?  I decide to ask Troy when we get home.  He has to know the answers. 

We pull into the driveway and then into the garage.

Troy takes us up to his room.  Right when we get into his room he hugs me.  I hug him back.

"Even though I've said this a million times, thank you." He whispers into my ear.

I smile.  He is so sweet.

"You're welcome." I reply to him.

We fall on his bed.  I put my head on his chest.

"I have a question." I say to him.

"Ask away." He replies.

"Does your dad like me?"

I feel Troy tense up.  I lift my head up and look at him.  My eyes look for answers.

"Tell me the truth." I command.

He looks down at his hands.

"Not really.  Don't take it personal." Troy mumbled.

"How do I not take that personal?" I question.

Troy looks me in the eye.

"You know how my dad worked for your dad?" He asks.

I nod.

"Well when he heard that he was arrested, my dad blamed it on you.  He liked your sister too.  I don't know why but when she also got arrested, he was mad at you.  He wanted me to date Bea.  We got into this huge fight.  It was all worth it in the end." He explained to me.

I look at him.  That's why his dad hates me? Just because my father and sister got arrested he blamed it on me?

"That's why he doesn't like me?"  I say. 

I try to not sound hurt.

That didn't work.  Troy could tell I sounded sad.

"Hey don't be sad.  It's not your fault.  All of it wasn't your fault." Troy said.

I try to think that.  I needed answers from my mom also.  Why did my father and sister hate me so much?

"Okay-okay.  I want to know why my father and sister hated me.  Do you want to come over with me?" I ask him.

"Only if you want me to." Troy answered.

I nod. 

We both get up off of the bed.  Troy opens the window and opens mine.  He swiftly goes through mine. 

I struggle getting into my room.  Troy has to help me get through. 

I finally make it.  I know my mom is home.  I hear her in the kitchen.  It sounds like she is putting dishes away.

We slowly walk down the stairs and go into the kitchen.

"Hey mom." I say softly.

She drops one of the pans.  My mom looks up at me in horror.  Once she realized that it was me, she relaxed.

"Carolina, you about scared me to death." She says breathless.

I start to laugh realizing how funny her face looked.  Troy also starts to laugh along with me.  Even my mom starts to chuckle.

"How was dinner?" She asked as she picks up the pan that she dropped.

"Good." I say.

I don't know if I'm ready to know why my dad and Bea hated me.

Troy gives me a small nudge.  He is telling me to ask.

"That's good." She simply says.

I take a deep breath.

"Hey mom can I ask you a question?" I ask her nervously.

My heart starts to pound against my chest.  As much as it is beating, I'm suprised that it's still in my ribcage.

"What is it?" She asked and stopped putting the dishes away.

"Why did my father and Bea hate me so much?" I manage to get out.

My voice is gone.  It is lost in a unknown world.

"Oh honey, they didn't hate you.  Let me tell you everything.  You deserve that." She says softly and takes my hand.  She brings me into the living room.  Troy trails behind us not bringing attention to himself.

She pulls me onto the couch.

"You're father, he had anger issues has you could tell.  When you were born, you took us by suprise.  They said that you could've died.  Luckily you didn't.  You were in bad health.  When we braught you home, my attention was on you and only you.  You're father didn't want you.  I don't know why, you were so beautiful," She pauses touches my cheek, "you didn't deserve to be treated horrible.  Bea was very jealous of you.  Carolina, you were so gorgeous.  Once you turned five, Bea started to be mean to you, same with your father.  Your dad used to threaten me, saying he would take you away and hurt you.  I couldn't let that happen.  I had to agree on everything that they decided.  I was tempted and I almost took you away.  Give you to a family that cared.  I cared about you.  I didn't know how to help you," She pauses has tears flowed out of her eyes, "I should've helped.  I'm a horrible mother.  I saw how weak you were.  How lonely you felt.  In Bea's eyes, you were more beautiful than her.  She didn't like that.  I should've done something." She says as she sobs.

I look at her.  This is-what-how do I respond to that?

My hand is away from my moms.  I search for a Troy.  I find him behind the couch.  I rush to him and hug him tight.  I start to cry.  He holds me like I could disappear any minute. 

"I'm so so sorry." My mom says.

I only nod.  Unable to search for the right words.  They are lost in that unknown world.

Just an unknown world.

Authors comments.

Hello!  I hope you all are having an amazing weekend and thank you for reading!  This chapter to me, has a lot of emotions in it.  A lot of different feelings.  Let me know how you liked it!

Love,

Sophie