Trying to Find a Way

Chapter twenty-four

We lay on the couch.

Thinking. That's all I've been doing lately. It's that or running away from problems I couldn't comprehend before.

I want to change. I've tried not to think negative, trying to make positive things out of problems. It doesn't work.

Depression.

That's it. I thought I was fine for awhile. I truly did but a big dark cloud filled my sunny skies. The cloud is staying.

Like a thunder storm, with every terrible thing out there.

Troy is laying beside me; watching me. I want to so badly tell him about this feeling. This feeling I've locked inside of me.

"What are you thinking about, love?"

His voice.

The nicknames he gives me

Swell my heart.

I look at my lap; shaking my head.

"Nothing." I reply softly.

He doesn't buy it.

Troy knows more about me than I know about myself.

He lifts my chin with a hand. Making eye contact, I break down.

"What's the matter? You can tell me." He said.

I want too.

I really do.

Sighing, I look up at his eyes.

So beautiful.

His eyes.

"I've been feeling more depressed." I truthfully say.

Oh his eyes tell everything.

Sadness, guiltiness, but mostly sorrow.

"We need to tell your mom."

Six words that break me down even more.

I think I'm shaking.

Since when did it get so cold in here?

I keep hearing myself say no, no, no.

My mom will judge me. She won't understand.

Suddently a strong pair of arms wrap around me. Protecting me from the dangers of what could come.

Troy tries to tell me something.

"Carolina. You need to calm down." He whispers softly in my hear.

Why does he want me to calm down? It's not like I'm screaming, flailing my arms around.

Taking a deep breath, I relax.

Tiredness fills me.

"You're okay." Troy says.

He carries me upstairs; lays me on my bed.

"We have school tomorrow. You'll feel better tomorrow but you need to rest." Troy explains.

"How do you do it?" I ask softly.

Confusion covers his face.

"How do I do what?" He questioned.

"You are always so calm. You barely get angry. Troy you always take care of me. Why?" I question.

"Love, it is my job to keep you safe. I love you more than anything in the world. It's torture seeing you depressed. I want you to get better. My love, I know you will tell your mom soon." He kisses my forehead.