Imagine to believe || Fillie

Chapter 18: Confession

Millie's pov:

I paced back and forth near the cliff on the cold night with my warm sweater on. 'I absolutely have no idea why I chose to do it here, maybe because it seems like it's the most appropriate place I could think of'.

Lots of thoughts swirled around my head, causing me to overthink, 'Am I really doing this? What if he doesn't feel the same? Will I ruin our friendship? Oh my gosh...' I finally sat down at a rock looking at the ground.

'It's now or never Millie... It's now or never' I thought to myself. While being stuck in my protesting head back and forth, I am brought back to reality when I heard crunching footsteps on the graveled floor.

I looked up and met Finn's dark brown eyes. "Hey Mills" He waved awkwardly, stuffing his other hand in his jean pocket.

"H-hey" I stuttered out.

"Hey"

"So uh... what do you want to talk about?" He asked looking at me curiously.

I took a deep breath, then moved to the side of the rock to give him space, patting it signalling for him to sit down. He sat down looking at me waiting for me to say something.

Parting my lips but not even one word came out and I groaned in frustration looking straight ahead of me.

"I'll sit and wait forever if I have to Millie, take your time." Finn spoke gently and the corner of my lips tugged up.

"Finn... I uh..." I trailed off trying to find the right words. Then suddenly a wave of encouragement wash over me as the words struck to my head, 'If you don't do it now, you will regret it later'.

So at that in my head, "I like you" I blurted out as I looked at his surprised expression. His about to say something before I cut him off, "I really like you. It's okay if you don't feel the same, I just need to say it before it's too late. I've liked you since the time we we're introduced with eachother and from then on I know you will be an important part of my life and that thought truly is right... You are the most important part of my life. I know this may ruin our friendship but it is better than hiding my feelings in the back of my head. Finn I like you so much that my heart aches everytime I think of you not being with me. I like you so much that I can't go on with my day without you in my head. I like you so much that almost everything reminds me of you. Infact I like you so much that I think...
I think..." I cutted myself off 'Too much'.

"I just... I like you" I finished. Finn stayed silent with a visible surprised and shocked expression while I sat anxiously waiting for him to say something.

Then suddenly he looked down as if ashamed, "Hey hey, What's wrong Finn?" I asked concerned.

Then he looked up, his big brown eyes noticeably glassy, meeting my eyes. I could clearly see a mixture of shame, regret and sadness. Then my heart suddenly broke, 'Does he not feel the same?. It's not that I expected him to... It just... It just hurts a bit-'

My thoughts we're cut off when I heard Finn speak, already mentally preparing myself for the hard hit of rejection... but instead I got, "I'm sorry Millie... You deserve better than a freak like me. I can't be always be there if I want to. I can't always be there to whisper soothing words close to your ear while hugging you close to my chest. I can't do those things cause I can't tell if I can even stay here. I can't be a great lover for you even if I try cause I can't even stay." He spoke his voice cracking.

"But I'm not saying I don't like you, cause I do... I really do. I felt the same way you did when we first met. Fireworks errupted arround you from my mind when I saw you walk in the room, while I felt like puking by the sudden feel of emotions all at once that my body wanted me to puke my guts out, and I loved how you asked if I was alright with those concerned eyes like I was a really good friend even if we never even met before. And I loved every second I spent with you, even if I'm just in a safe distance watching you genuinely smile and laughing wholeheartedly. I would do literally everything just to be with you but I know it's impossible. I've been already tied to a situation I never knew existed till now... And I'm sorry Millie, but... I'm not the right person to you, I can't bring myself to accept that I dragged you into my mess... I just... I apologize." He spoke, clearly gulping down a sob that threatened to errupt while he looked down once again.