May I, My Love? ✔

22. t h e s t i c k y d i n n e r

Numb.

That's what I felt when I heard what His Majesty just announced. The glass in my hand was at the very tips of my fingers, ready to fall off any second while my legs grew wobbly due to the inexplicable shock my mind had received in such a short time.

How could a simple sequence of words give a person so much pain?

Engagement of the prince? To the daughter of the Duke of Sussex? What's so shocking about that Har?

Sparks of pure pain were shooting throughout my body meaninglessly, as my mind tried to desperately grasp at the straws of sanity.

'Why was it that I couldn't bring myself to be cheery about this news, when everyone else in the room was probably celebrati–'

I looked around to prove my point to my heart when I really took in everyone's expressions. His Majesty looked pretty satisfied with his choice, which showed in his broad smile; but Josiah was in a rather pensive mood, as if it wasn't his engagement that had been just announced. He looked to be moping and the grey in his eyes were swirling with more intensity than I've ever seen in him..... in other words, he seemed furious.

Samuel and his son looked nonchalant, as if this was decided from the get-go, and was boring them to death. Still, I could catch a ghost of a smile on Wyatt's face. I wondered what could be the reason but was only more nonplussed than before. The only ones who seemed genuinely happy about this were the girl's parents and mine. They sincerely kept congratulating the couple while the Duke and Duchess gracefully accepted their good wishes. I turned my head to look at the girl with the icy glare and found her with the same poker face. How could she not be joyful after getting engaged to a guy like that?

Although I couldn't understand the reason as to why was everyone so weak tonight, the awkwardness in the air was formidable as a sudden hush fell over the room. Nobody was sure of what to say anymore and I could read the hesitation on every visage.

Samuel saw this and immediately got to work.
"Now that the good news is out, let's all celebrate the new couple by enjoying the delicious feast organized by His Majesty in honour of our guests! Mr. James, please tell your workers to fill up everyone's glasses."

He was the only one who could turn the most embarrassing and awkward moments into easygoing and lighthearted ones. He had a natural gift for it, and that was one of the main reasons he was appointed on such a high and imperative position.

As the awkwardness melted and the conversations started flowing freely again, I turned to Lisa who gave a sympathetic smile to me. Once the elders got busy again, the younger generation was left alone to do as we like. It was then that I noticed, everyone else felt the same as me. Nobody on the table seemed to be enjoying this dinner – with Andrew and Claire mindlessly toying with their food and occasionally exchanging a few words, Eugene – as her name was – looking in the opposite direction from the table, lost in her own thoughts, and me being heartbroken over the fact that the one person I was starting to get close to finally closed the whole gate by getting engaged to someone.

I pondered over the situation at hand as I ate my dinner in silence. Why wouldn't the prince marry a girl like Eugene? She had everything – a pair of gorgeous eyes, pretty natural blonde hair, and a heart shaped face with naturally pink tinted lips. She also had the money and the position. There was nothing not desirable about her, and then there was plain old me. Someone who is of a much lower class than her, and has untamable curly red hair with a small face, and someone who's never confident in her skin. Those two really are a match made in heaven.

I will never be able to compete with a woman like her, and there's no need to do so anymore. As much as it squeezed my heart to accept this harsh reality, I knew that one day, the prince will get married to Eugene and there's nothing I can do about it. In that moment, I felt completely stupid for thinking that my life could be altered by anyone or anything. When he will be gone, my life will return to being the usual pain it is for me.

And as much as I want to blame Josiah for giving me false hope, of making me feel special and showing me a wonderful time – even if it was temporary – I knew I couldn't blame someone else for being mistaken and weak about my feelings. It was nobody's fault that I decided to make a fool out of myself, and so, as the servants now brought out the dessert, I promised myself solemnly to not fall in any other traps, or to not believe anyone else's words ever.

For I could not waste any second pining for a man who was never mine to begin with.