May I, My Love? ✔

32. t h e b i t t e r s w e e t m e m o r i e s

"Hi, you're early today too." I greeted him as soon as I pulled myself out of my reverie.

He turned around with a small but genuine smile on his face, "I don't want to keep you waiting for me. That's not very mannerly."

I frowned. "You don't have to be so mindful or formal with me. That's not what I want."

He was invariably like that – pulling the doors open for me, letting me have the first say, bringing me flowers from the main garden everyday. I do understand that he wants to treat me differently, but sometimes, I just want him to be himself. Whenever he does all these things for me, although they're minuscule, I feel like he's not being himself.

"Then, what is it that you want? I'll give you just that." He asked me cheekily, throwing in a smirk after he finished speaking.

Whenever he decided to tease me like that, that was the end of my lungs. He had that naturally deep voice, and when he said such things that could make your heart flutter wildly with so much ease and nonchalance, while smirking like that, it made me want to sign my last breath in his name. It's not like I needed it anyways.

I blinked rapidly, not finding any words, and definitely not wanting to actually sputter and grapple for words in front of him. So, I resorted to a safe escape.

"Let's get started." I motioned towards the piano, and sat on my stool.

He followed shortly after, but didn't start without first giving me another knowing smirk, which had me ducking my head down – a crimson red curtain of my long hair falling over my face. He pressed the first keys which soon turned into a melody that I was familiar with. It was the classic, Piano Sonata 14 by Beethoven. The music flowed gracefully as his nimble fingers touched the keys fluently, as if he had been doing this since eons.

That was what I liked about him the most. When he was here, playing the piano with a satiated look on his face, it was impossible to view him as a prince. There, he looked more normal than a public school boy, utterly innocent and childlike. I could guess playing the piano was his secret passion, escape from the reality and also his forte.

And I considered myself incredibly fortunate to have found him here, and to share this passion with him. Had even one of these two things not happened, I don't think that we would have been able to form this strong of a bond – considering how he confessed that he first got mesmerized by my voice.

As I sat there, admiring his sublime skills, he motioned for me to take over from the second part of the piece. Like a computer that copies only those functions that are set in its software; my fingers automatically took over the stage, falling into their proper places. I played the melody like I knew it like the back of my hand, this piece having been one of the few I learnt when I first started playing.

As the melody progressed into something more light and enjoyable, I felt my mood spiral down in the opposite direction. Distant memories surfaced, something I hadn't anticipated before I started playing this song. My mind was almost numb now, little pearls pooling in my eyes,  threatening to drop down any minute, and my heart was as heavy as huge rock. My lips had turned into an upside down curve, and no matter how much my mind drilled consciousness about someone else sitting beside me into me, I wasn't paying attention.

The room grew uneasily quiet as only the sounds from the keys emanated and reverberated throughout. The melody, though loud, felt awfully soundless to me and as the second part came to an end, I couldn't stop myself anymore and finally broke down.

"Harmony, what's wrong? Are you alright?" Josiah asked me, his voice panicky.

I nodded, trying to wipe off my tears with my hands. It was such an embarrassment to cry in front of him. Now, I would have to tell him the reason because he won't relent until I told him. Josiah was stubborn like that. Though I wanted to keep those memories at the back of my mind, hidden from everyone – and myself – forever, I knew I couldn't do so. Because the more I tried to suppress them and erase them from my mind, the more they surfaced, in the form of nightmares and illusions. It was pure torture for my fragile self, but I was far too cruel. Maybe, just maybe, I will find a way to cope up with those nightmares if I confided in somebody. Maybe, Josiah would become my support, and lead me towards a bona fide serene life.

And so, I somehow gathered courage and finally spoke up, allowing those memories to take a front seat.

"This melody... was taught to me by my mother when I was just ten years old. She is a natural on the piano, and I was just like her. I was invariably attracted towards music and different melodies, and once I found her in the living room, playing this certain piece which touched my heart so much that I begged her to teach me.

"Once she taught me over the span of a few days, it became a daily routine for us. We would sit down with cups of hot chocolate, and play the piano to our heart's content. That time was the best time of my life. But that's where I was mistaken. I started to have dreams – dreams of becoming a professional pianist, or even producing songs when I would be older. But maybe that's why it was just a dream, for it could never be my reality.

"When I expressed my desire to pursue it as a career, I was brutally told no, just because I belonged to a royal family and we don't lower ourselves like that. All the dreams I had built up for ages, were crushed into millions of pieces in just a sentence, spoken by my father so simply, without even considering my mental state or happiness. When I turned to my mother for help, all I could see in her eyes were tears and another shattered dream. She too, had been a victim of this brutal reality, but had chosen not to fight.

"And so, I did so too. It did take a lot of time for me to finally let go, but now, I have made peace with it. I'm aware that I have absolutely no power or control in front of my father, and that I too, will have to lead the undeniably asphyxiating life that my mother has led, for the rest of my life."