May I, My Love? ✔

48. t h e s t u r d y d e c i s i o n

The slap resounded across the hall, making mother and Lisa, who was hiding in the hallway, release loud gasps of surprise. But my visage remained absolutely neutral, as I had been anticipating this. There wasn't anything else father could do, except shout at me and hit me. And I only got to know this now – that physically violent people are often weak mentally and emotionally, and so, they act this way in order to hide their other vulnerabilities and come off as powerful people.

"You're not even ashamed of your despicable deeds, and you want to argue with your father? I will have to meet with His Majesty shortly, but just you wait. When I come back, and if anything goes wrong because of you, you will suffer the consequences for the rest of your life. Because I do not wish to suffer for a disobedient and insolent child like you!"

Even though they had stopped reaching my expectations a while back, they were still my family. And I had expectations from them, even if they were minuscule. But instead of comforting me and standing with me, they had already chosen their spot against me, next to His Majesty. No matter how strong, I was still a young girl with no idea on how to deal with this calamity. I too, needed reassurance that everything will be fine, rather than hearing that the only people I could trust were never there for me.

This epiphany caused me much more pain than the revelation of this relationship. Tears fell freely from my eyes, as father slammed the door and walked away. In an instant, mother was next to me, consoling me and trying to be there for me. But only I knew the horrible reality of this woman, and it repulsed me so much that I refused to be consoled by a woman like her.

"Stop touching me. Don't even dare to show your fake concern for me, because I don't need it anymore. Please go away, follow your husband like you have been doing all these years, and leave me alone."

"Harmony, listen to me. I- I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but you know his temper right? He will calm down in a few days, it's just that this is all too much for us. Please understand your father, Harmony. Don't be depressed over it," She pleaded with me in return, which brought back those revolting thoughts ten times harder.

"Are you serious right now? Is this okay for you to tell your own daughter that she should understand and forgive her father when he has never made any efforts to act like one?! You both disgust me, both of you!" I was totally sobbing right now, and probably looked like an ugly mess, with mascara straining my cheeks and my nose and ears bright red due to crying, but I didn't care anymore. I was done being their servant and obedient little Harmony, but not anymore.

"Harmony, wha- what are you talking about? I know this is a mess, but I'll talk to him, okay? I will convince him, so don't sweat it. Please calm down dear," She pleaded with me again, but the dam had now broken, and her every word only angered me more than it should have.

"Didn't you say this a few years ago too? These same words, that you will convince him and make my dream come true – weren't you the one who trapped me in those false promises? How could you, when you yourself don't have any power in front of father? You say you will convince him? I say you're the biggest coward I've ever seen in my life! Because even I found courage to stand up for myself, but you never did.

"You could never do this – either for yourself or for me. You too, had been suffering all this while, yet you couldn't utter a word. Don't I know how badly you wanted to become a pianist, or how badly you yearned to at least see me in that position? I know everything, mother, but I'm always left hopeless because you never properly stood up for me. Not. Even. Once. And now, I don't need you since I'm able to stand up for myself. But please do remember, that whenever I give birth to kids, I will invariably think of their welfare instead of wanting to save my reputation, and I will do it dauntlessly."

By now, she was a mess, just like me. With her tears flowing freely too, her expression looked torn.

As if she was only realizing the aftermath of her actions now.

As if she had never known the kind of agony she had put me through all these years.

As if she didn't know that someone not supporting you because they don't know you isn't more painful than someone who knows your abilities, but still gives up on you.

She gave up on me when she decided to comply with her husband instead, and so there wasn't any love or respect left between us. We were just living together as long as we shared the same surname.

And a stranger like her could never influence my decisions. I had already become as sturdy and steely as I could. Now, even if I get called to see His Majesty, I'm confident that I can present my case myself. Whether I will be able to persuade him or not, I don't know that yet, but I cannot back down now.

Not when I already knew how pricey Josiah's love would be.