May I, My Love? ✔

52. t h e n u m b h o p e

(Harmony's pov...)

This is what feeling numb feels like. I had often watched heroines in these sappy romantic movies acting like their world had stopped just because they couldn't be with the lad they loved, and scoffed at their stupidity. How could someone do so in real life? It was all dramatics to lure people in emotionally. But, this feeling I was getting right now, was uncannily similar to what those girls felt, and I was proven utterly wrong.

Love really did make a fool out of you.

I sensed a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I turned around to see Lisa looking at me with sympathetic eyes. Her gaze held the tenderness I had yearned to see in my own mother my entire life, but failed to do so. Looking at her would make me cry again, so I decided to face the front and stare at the long abandoned movie playing on the TV. It was supposed to comfort me, but in this moment, there couldn't be any bigger comfort than having him by my side, and having solved all these conflicts.

"Harpy, you need to stop thinking about what happened downstairs. Just, forget about it and trust yourself, trust Josiah because he won't abandon you. Just, don't let those words get to you." Lisa softly whispered from behind me, making me suck in another share breath as I struggled with my waterworks.

"O-okay."

Probably realizing I had been silently crying, she sighed. "Look at me Harpy. Come here," She turned me around and hugged me tightly.

That was all it took for me to start sobbing all over again. No matter how much I think about it, or try not to, the pain doesn't subside. If anything, it only adds fuel to the fire, when I recall the time I met him for the first time. How I was enticed and enthralled by his shiny grey eyes that glimmered in the light, how his perfect pitch black hair contained the softest texture. How our hands and bodies fit perfectly like a glove to a hand when we danced together on the floor, and when we danced, it felt like I was floating on clouds.

We had come a long way from there, and along the way, we shared precious time together, got to know each other beyond what our individual facades held for us, and learnt to cherish true happiness that we found from each other's company. It was not a ploy on my part to become the queen of the country, and he didn't want to enjoy his free time before he got married to someone else, like these people on the internet said.

I finally looked at her, my eyes probably screaming at her that there is no hope anymore, "How can I not? After all, they're my family. I can't do anything without their consent, or happiness. I might have said some things to father in a fit of rage but the truth is that... I just want them to look at me for once. Not as the daughter who is supposed to listen to their every word, not as the daughter who is supposed to not make them embarrassed by her actions.

"I want them to look at me as me, and want something for me that I want. I don't know if His Majesty will grant his permission to us, but father could at least try to stand up for me, for my sake and for my happiness. My source of sorrow doesn't come from all the hatred spewed on me from all over the world, it comes from knowing the bitter truth, that my own father won't trust me. That he too, thought of me the same way as all those people did."

Lisa's gaze softened as she pulled me into another hug. She could feel that I wouldn't want to talk about this anymore, and thankfully, she caught on. We sat like that in silence for what felt like hours, until there was a faint knock on the door. It felt almost.... unsure? As if the person couldn't really decide if they wanted to be here.

I stiffened. If its mother, I wasn't opening this in a million years. I just wouldn't be able to look at her face right now. So, I asked hesitantly, "Who's it?"

"Um... Hi, its Claire." Came a sweet and recognizable voice from outside and I froze again, maybe even more than the last time.

If she was here to tell me to break it up with her brother, I would really break my head open. It was enough of an insult to listen to the same things again and again, and there was no way I could deal with another person telling me just how wrong I am.

Frantically, I looked at Lisa, and she too, seemed to be as bemused as I was. Unsure of what to do next, I started panicking a little bit, but Lisa calmed me down.

"Harpy, just open the door and talk to her. I'll be right here, and if she says she doesn't approve of it, just don't give a damn, okay? There are already many who don't like it, so adding another person to it won't be too bad. Be brave." She whispered to me, which strangely brought a small smile on my face and a whole lot of confidence in my mind and heart.

I really could do this. And so, I opened the door to see a face I hadn't seen in a while. She smiled awkwardly at me, and I moved aside for her to come in. Closing the door behind her, it felt as if I had trapped all of the world's awkwardness in this room. Because I wasn't exactly the best at conversation, it was making it even more difficult for me to break the ice. I didn't want to tiptoe around the topic, but definitely couldn't come straight to the point.

Sensing my discomfort, Lisa came to my rescue, again. "I'm guessing you're here to talk about what leaked in the media this morning?"

Now, she looked even more awkward as she sat rather uncomfortably on the edge of my bed. "Um.... yeah. I do know that it's quite late right now to visit someone, but I had been really shocked, you know? And I needed a little bit of time to recover from it and actually process the news, because the evidence was right there, so I had to admit it to my mind that it was indeed, true. I–"

She was cut off by Lisa's sharp stare. "So, what is it that you actually want to tell her? What's the real reason you're here? I think we should cut to the chase and say it out loud, don't you think?"

But before she could say a word, someone came barging in my room. Mother was panting hard, and had a wild look in her eyes. She looked like she had heard the most shocking news of all time, and she didn't look half as bad in the morning when she saw the video. Just what could be worse than that for her?

Sensing both of our shock, Lisa snatched her phone from her hands, and it seemed to be a news channel reporting something live. But when I saw the face of the person sitting in what looked like a conference room, I gasped loudly. So did Claire.

It was Josiah.

And the headlines talked about him breaking off his marriage with Eugene.

Publicly.