(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 11: Too Close

        Between the light clatter that filled the spaces of our conversation, I felt myself questioning why we were even here. I was trying to find a reason for Stella to be wasting her time with me, but who was I kidding? Even the nicest, most sensible person in the world wouldn't want me in their life after leaving them in the dust the way I did to her and everyone back home. She should hate me, or at least resent me a little.

        Every ffiteen minutes, her phone would buzz on the table. We'd only been there for an hour, but I could tell by the flush of her skin that she was talking to Alex. It wasn't exactly something I minded; it only gave me more of a chance to think about everything that was happening at the moment and try to sort it out in my head.

        Dinner was done, and now we were chatting over drinks just like we did last week. I felt like my mom, remembering the way she used to come home late some nights and tell me she was 'having a drink with the girls', her face flushed and throat sore from all the talking. It baffled my mind about how much has changed, how much older both of us were.

        After setting down her phone and apologizing again, I tilted my head to the side and shrugged while getting lost in my thoughts. Why did she keep asking me to go places with her? Why was she trying to spend time with someone who wasn't worth it?

        "Why are we here?" I finally asked, picking up my glass of wine and taking a small sip. It reminded me of a fancy restaurant that Craig took me to when we were...together, I guess. IT only reminded me that Craig still hadn't called, my phone vacant of voicemail or text.

        "It's dinner time, I was hungry, and I could only imagine that you were too.." Stella didn't seem to get the hint, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder while twisting the straw stuck in her margarita. I put up a finger, stopping her. I waited for the noisy group of teenagers to pass to their table before laying down my finger and opening my mouth.

        "No, that's not what I meant," I couldn't find the words without sounding like a bitch. I didn't want to hurt her feelings because that wasn't the intention; I just wanted to know why. "Why -- why are you being so nice to me?"

        It was a simple question, one that anyone could have said. It held more meaning to the two of us than someone passing by. It was the past, the hurt, the miscommunication, the fallout, everything. It was absolutely everything I did to anyone that meant anything to me before I left town.

        She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words herself. Her mouth opened and closed twice, letting out a deep breath before biting the inside of her lip before speaking, "I -- I don't know," she said softly, laughing once, reminding me so much of what she was like in high school. "Alex asked me why I was trying so hard last week when he called. I just -- I missed you, a lot. Even if we weren't friends for long in high school, you were still one of the closest friends I had."

        I couldn't really comprehend what she was saying as she stared at her drink. It was like Stella to not be able to make eye contact; I remembered that from our short year and a half as friends. The words stung as they were being thrown at me. I hurt her, I hurt so many people, and thinking about it made my entire body ache with guilt.

        "I'm sorry you know," I whispered, averting my gaze from her face to the table. "I don't think I'll ever stop being sorry for how I left."

        "You messed people up with the way you walked out, you know," she nodded, staring blankly at her beverage. I knew exactly who she meany by 'people'. She wouldn't bring him up specifically unless I asked. She was kind enough to spare my feelings, even if I wasn't worthy of that.

        "That's why I still can't understand why you'd be doing all this. Why are you trying for a person that was really -- and I mean really, awaful to one of your best friends," I didn't mean for the conversation to go this far, to be so serious. It only made sense at this point to continue. There were so many unanswered questions, so much hurt and confusion. The conversation had to happen if we were ever going to be real friends again.

        "Maybe it's because I sort of understood where you were coming from, and how much it sucked without the guys there. Maybe if things weren't so different between Alex and I at the end of the first tour, I might have run away with you," she gave me a small, half-smile from across the table. I could tell that thinking about being without her fiancé made her cringe. "Everyone makes mistakes, I should know. I know who you are. I know that who you are, isn't what you did, Lauren. I know you, even if things seem so different now, I do. I miss having you around, I really, really do."

        She reached froma cross the table, placing her small hand over mine, French manicured nails touching the top of my hand. I glanced down to her hand, smiling softly. My heart swelled, causing a pinching sensation that I haven't felt since -- I don't even know how long. I vaguely remember, but I'm pretty sure this is what feeling people get when they know they have a good friend by their side.

        It was only a moment or two after Stella's hand retracted from mine, eyes going wide while looking past my head and to the entrance of the bistro. I glanced over my shoulder, following her gaze until I leanded on a group of guys standing in front of the hostess, goofing off while waiting for her attention to be directed towards them.

        I had never remebered another moment in my life when my heart pumped so quickly. I only registered Alex's face before knowing exactly what was going on. I swore under my breath, averting my eyes hastily as I scrambled for my bag, opening it with speed that I didn't know existed.

        Of coruse they'd go out to eat after leaving the studio, and it had to be the same place Stella and I were at. With my luck, it was just at the same moment that we were really starting to understand each other. What is this, some dramatic soap opera?

        "Fuck," I hissed at myself, ripping open my wallet, fumblng with the clasp before fingering two twenties with shaking hands. I couldn't get my body to slow down, I couldn't see Zack. I didn't get the moment to look at his face but thinking about it, I just -- I couldn't handle it.

        "I swear to you, I didn't tell them we were here," Stella said quickly, apologetic tone seeping from her lips. I shook my head, giving her a weary smile before stuffing my things into my bag and looking for another way out. There had to be an emergency exit around here somewhere.

        "Stella!" Jack's voice sang through the restaurant, much closer than I wished. I finally located the large, red lit up sign that hung over a doorway in the far back corner that said "EXIT" neatly across the top. I stood abruptly, trying to swallow the spit in my mouth before speaking.

        "I know. I'm sorry. I just.." Before I could finish, I was off. I bobbed and weaved between workers, pushing my way to the only freedom I could find in the space that seemed to get smaller by the second. My feet carried me so quickly, I was almost sprinting to the door.

        When my fingers finally reached the cool metal of the handle, allowing the late California air to hit my face, I finally could breathe again. I leaned against the building, feeling the brick scratch my clothes, ruining them most likely. I didn't care. All I could focus on what that that was too close. That was way too close.