Chapter 12: Aware

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        "Remember, that ten page paper is due next week!" My professor Doctor Cragen, called out as the class began packing up their things to leave. It was my last class of the day, and I couldn't even tell you how tired I was from this entire week. Thursday afternoons were the worst.

        I hesitated while putting my things into my black bag, waiting until the last kid left, shutting the door behind them. I picked my bag up off of the ground, setting it on my shoulders before approaching Dr. Craven's desk. She was putting her things into her briefcase, glancing through her stacks of papers.

        "What do you need, Ms. Baker?" She asked, looking over her thin glasses with a small smile. I've had Dr. Craven for two other classes, and I guess you could say she made herself familiar with my work.

        "I was just wondering if you ever heard back from any of those internships that I applied for," I asked, switching the weight off one foot to the other. The air conditioned room had me shivering under the breeze it created.

        I knew that if they ever really wanted me for their managing internships, they would have contacted me personally. She was my professor for business management, and I was hoping that this would give me the chance to get out of Los Angeles. I was just praying that maybe they would have told her if for whatever reason, they couldn't get ahold of me.

        Her fingers faltered on her paperwork for only a second, and I knew my answer before she even had to give me a sympathetic smile.

        "It's hard to get any kind of work for one of the most competitive places in the world of management," she started, and I only gave a small shrug. "You're one of the best students I've had in years, but it's a hard business."

        "I know, I just wanted to make sure," I said softly, feeling my feet moving me towards the door. "Thanks."

        "How's that paper coming for you?" She asked, my fingers lingering on the door. I glanced over my shoulder at her with a small smile, meeting her gaze. Her peppered hair was curled around her face.

        "Finished last night," I said, knowing that she was already well aware of the answer. She knew me too well.

        "You'll find work soon, Lauren," she said with a grin, nodding at her own thoughts. "I have a feeling."

        "Thanks," I said softly, feeling my cheeks turn warm. "See you Thursday, Doctor."

        I opened the door and moved forward, stepping into the warm hallway. It wasn't more than ten minutes later when I was at my car parked in front of the building, fiddling with my purse, searching for my keys. I sighed when my phone rang, figuring it was my weekly call from my mother.

        I reached into my pocket, pressing it to my ear without thinking. I set my bag on top of my car, holding my phone between my cheek and my shoulder.

        "Hello?" I mumbled, searching for my keys inside the never-ending bag. I sighed, stuffing my hands in further in the hopes of locating them.

        "Don't sound too thrilled," a raspy voice laughed into the receiver. I smiled instantly, heart racing faster at the sound of his voice.

        "Good to hear from you a week laster, asshat," I said teasingly, feeling metal brush my fingers for an instant. I retrieved them before hitting the unlock button once. "Thought maybe your plane crashed and you were stuck on a deserted island somewhere."

        I learned after the second day of not getting a call from Craig that I couldn't let it bother me. I just couldn't let it bring me down. So, I had to ignore the hurt I felt every morning when I woke up without a voicemail, and just be happy when he got the time to call.

        Could this have been any more like missing Zack?

        "I've been meaning to call, it's just been a blur, for like, six days straight," he chuckled to himself. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly how he spent his first week in Europe.

        Girls, booze, and hang overs, no surprises there.

        "Sounds like a ball," I said, starting my engine and rolling down my windows. I backed out of my space, glancing at the time to see I had twenty minutes to get downtown to work before I was late. I sighed, hopng that I would make it. "Seems like you settled in easily."

        "What are you doing?" he skipped my sarcastic comment while I pulled out of the university and into the busy streets of Los Angeles. I switched my phone from one ear to the other, glancing in my rearview mirror before focusing on the road in front of me.

        "Got out of class, heading to work, living the dream basically," I said, putting on my blinker and turning down a side road. I noticed how many people were wandering around the streets today, how hot the sun was in the sky. I reached to turn on my AC dial, cranking it up before shutting my windows.

        "Bright and sunny as always hon," he joked, and I smiled at his tone.

        "You know me so well."

        "Miss you, kid. There's no one here to cuddle with me at night," he said in a pouty tone. I rolled my eyes, turning back onto the main street. I still didn't like the thought.

        "Funny."

        "I should be a comedian," I said, beaming to myself.

        "What did you do all week?" he asked, and I thought about it for a moment. I really hadn't done too much, actually.

        "I had dinner with Stella Sunday night, and then went to breakfast with her before class on Tuesday," I said, seeing a sign hanging above the entrance of work. "STARBUCKS" read loud and clear as I put my blinker on to turn in.

        "Really," he said, half-surprised. I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. "Have you seen Zack yet?" I cringed as he used the name so freely. He always spoke about him like he meant little to nothing, even though he understood how important he used to be.

        "No, I'm sort of avoiding that," I said, getting out of the car. I was smart enough to go to class in my work clothes, just getting out with my purse and locking the doors.

        "It's going to happen, Laur. He's one of her best friends," I knew he was trying to protect me by stating it. It only made me a little irritated, like he didn't think I understood what could happen. "You're going to see him, do you even know what you're going to say."

        "I have to go Craig, work is calling," I said with a sigh, itching to get off the phone. I walked around to the front of the store, pushing open the door with my elbow. He let out a breath against his cell, thinking about what he wanted to say.

        "Just be careful, okay?" he said softly, and I imagined the way he would have reached for me with his fingertips, pulling me into his chest. "I'll call you when I can."

        "Will do," I said as I made my way around the counter, nodding to James once. There was barely a soul in the shop, I didn't need to hustle off the phone the way I was trying to.

        "Love you, Laur," he said simply, the same way my mom might. It was what we always said on the phone, an impulse that was in both of us.

        "Love you too," I let out a breath, clicking the end button before anything else could be said. Craig reminded me of all the complications I'd have while trying to hang out with Stella and it only made me want to get off the phone with him even more. I didn't need reminders about how absolutely stupid I was acting.

        I was aware, and I knew that I'd regret this sooner or later.

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