(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 50: Trust (Lauren's POV)

        The stairs to the apartment seemed to go on for forever as I dragged myself slowly up each step, cursing the fact that I lived in an apartment building without an elevator. I braely had the energy to make it up the many flights of stairs. The only thing keeping me going was the idea of changing out of my skirt and blouse, and into comfy clothes, curling up on my bed or couch, doing nothing as I had been all week.

        Today was the first time I'd left my apartment since graduation. I only left because I had a job interview from weeks before that I couldn't get out of. I had to take it now because the job Zack offered wasn't an option anymore. It hadn't mattered if I dragged myself out of bed early enough to make myself look presentable, because I knew I bombed the interview anyway.

        I tried to appear interested and enthusiastic, but I was only exhausted and as hard as I tried not to show it, I know I did. I'd tried to answer questions as best as I could, but my mind was elsewhere, thinking abotu the day Zack told me abotu the job managing the new band, and how I could be working for that instead of sitting in an office, almost freezing from the air conditioner.

        I probably didn't deserve the job anyway.

        I only felt more pathetic as I jammed the keys into the lock, wishing I had somewhere else to be instead of alone in my apartment. As I pushed the door open, however, I found that I wasn't alone at all.

        Craig was walking out of the bathroom as I entered, and I hesitated in the doorway, watching him but he didn't even look my way. He continued on with what he was doing, packing again. He was carrying bath supplies into his room, packing them along with fresh clothes.

        I shut the apartment door and walked slowly towards his room, leaning against the doorframe.

        "You're still not coming back?" I asked softly, finding my voice barely above a whisper, but he still heard me. He shook his head and I added, "It's been over a week."

        "You lied to me, Lauren, for the entire summer. You were sneaking around and you knew damn well how I felt about him," He reminded me, his voice hard.

        "I know, I know," I whispered, "And I'm sorry, but he's gone. I haven't. I haven't talked to him since then and I know he doesn't want to ever see me again so it's over. And I just, I'm tired of being here alone."

        "Don't you think you're being a little hypocryrical?" he spun on me, his eyes holding mine for only a moment before focusing elsewhere, like he couldn't even look at me. "You said that you couldn't keep being some girl I fucked with whenever I wanted, but now that he's all of a sudden gone, you want me back? How is that any different?"

        "I -- I wasn't sleeping with him," was all I could say. Craig huffed, rolling his eyes before turning his back.

        "And you think that makes a difference? It's the same fucking thing, Lauren. I can't just come back because he's gone," he said angirly, zipping his duffle bag quickly before hoisting it onto his shoulder, turning to me again.

        "Why not? I came back to you when you wanted," I tried to argue, eyes following him as he brushed past me, heading for the door. I ran after him, standing in front of the door to stop him, just to try to hold him a little longer. I just wanted to convince him to stay.

        "It's still not the same," he muttered, hands fingering the keys in his hand.

        "It is so!" I exclaimed. "It's exactly the same! I never liked any of those girls you were with but I dealt with it and waited until you wanted me again because I wanted you! You don't like Zack and he's gone, but now you'll barely even look at me!" I watched Craig cringe at Zack's name, his eyes focused above my head until I finished, and he looked at me as if to prove a point.

        "But I never lied to you," he said simly. "I might not have spilled every detail about who I was with or where I was, but I never lied to you, especially about who I was seeing."

        "Why does it matter? We weren't together, we never were! I had no commitment to you, and you had no commitment to me. I probably couldn't count on my hands the girls you were with in Europe. I was with one person, one person who distracted me from thinking about you and made me feel something I haven't felt in six years!" I exclaimed, furious before my eyes widened at what I'd just said. Craig's mouth tightened into a straight line, his eyes colder than before.

        "Get out of my way, Lauren," he said, his voice low but harsh.

        "Craig, I'm sorry," I breathed, reaching out to touch his arm, but the moment my fingers grazed his skin, he flinched away. "Please, please, I'm sorry."

        "I need time to think," he said, his voice monotone. He was still holding my gaze, but the way he was looking at me made me wish I could look away.

        "Think about what?" I asked softly, and he shrugged lightly.

        "Us," he answered vaguely, taking a step towards the door as I moved away. His eyes broke from mine, but I still followed his every move.        

        "Us? What's that supposed to mean? There is no us, we're friends, Craig. Why can't we be that? Zack is gone. He's out of the picture." I pleaded. He opened the door, hand resting on the handle as he turned his head to look at me.

        "And what if he wasn't out of the picture," Craig wondered.

        "I -- I don't know," I suttered. "I'd hope you wouldn't take off because you're my best friend and I don't want you out of my life."

        "Don't you think you shoud have thought about that before you started lying to me? And to him? You screwed us both, Lauren. I don't trust you, and he probably doesn't either. I just need a little time. I'll call you soon."

        I watched Craig step into the hallway, pulling the door shut gently behind him. I stood, frozen in front of him, wishing I hadn't come back to the apartment in the first place. What he said only added to everything, but he was right.

        I knew that I had lost Craig's trust, hearing that hadn't come as a shock but thinking that Zack didn't trust me anymore, did. I knew I hadn't exactly lied to him, but I hadn't told him the whole truth either, and I let him assume things that weren't true. I let him believe that I hadn't changed.

        If his trust for me was really gone, I wouldn't have a chance to gain it back, but I hoped that I could at least gain Craig's back again. Although, I had a gnawing feeling in my stomach that things would be different fron now on.

        Remembering that I still hadn't changed, I turned on my heel slowly, heading to my room to slip into shorts and a t-shirt.

        The picture of Craig and me tucked into my mirror caught my eye again, except this time, I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want any reminders of the past week of my life, but that was all I was getitng from being in my apartment, and suddenly, all I wanted to do was get away.