(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 26: Just Us

        I stared in the direction of the door where Zack had just been standing. I couldn't think of anything else to do but remain where I was, sitting on the kitchen counter, gripipng my glass in front of me. My thoughts were crashing around in my head, creating a headache that the Advil hadn't gotten rid of yet.

        I really had no idea what I was doing, or what I was going to do.

        Part of me wanted to call Zack, and tell him that I didn't need to sleep on it because I wanted him here. I'd even almost reached for my phone, wanting to bring him back. I hadn't wanted him to leave in the first place, and I couldn't stop thinking about the way he kissed me, the way his hands landed on my waist, holding me against him. We'd both wanted it, as wrong as it was.

        Another part of me also thought Zack was right. I needed to sleep on it, take a little time to try and think about everything, without him around as an influence.

        Perhaps he needed that too, and that's why he suggested it. He needed his own time to make sure that getting involved with me was what he really wanted, to make sure I was worth it. I didn't think I was.

        I groaned to myself, pulling my eyes away from the door, shutting them as I leaned my head against the cabinets. Zack of Craig? Craig or Zack? They were jumping back and forth, flashing in front of my eyes one after another. Why did decision making have to be so hard? One wrong move, and I could lose both of them, another wrong move, I could lose one of them. Somebody was getting hurt either way, and I didn't want that.

        If I chose to be with Zack, however that would work out, what would happen when Craig returned? There was no chance of him being okay with it, he loathed Zack, and the feeling was more or less mutual. It wouldn't be just that, but the fact that I'd lied to him. I would be lying to him the entire summer, saying I hadn't no plans or that I was just seeing Stella, when Zack would most likely be around. The possibilities of how things could turn out between us were limited. Either Craig would miraculously be okay with whatever Zack and I had, or he woudln't, and I could lose him completely.

        But, if I told Zack the opposite of what I'd shown him today, that there shouldn't be anything going on between us, he'd be hurt. He still wanted something from me, after what I did, and I didn't want to give up that opportunity.

        And then there was me. No matter who I choose, I'd be losing out one way or another.

        I set my glass down on the counter, resting me elbows on my knees and dropping my head into my hands, "OH MY GOD" I sighed, breaking the silence with my own screams. I was so frustrated, torn between what was right in front of me and what I was supposed to be waiting for.

        I chewed on my lip, staring at the floor, trying to make order our of my thoughts, but it wasn't working. I could have sat there for hours and not figured anything out. It was just too damn heard.

        I'd been sitting in silence for so long, only hearing my own thoughts, that the sound of my phone ringing on the counter made me jump. The glass I had just picked up, slipped from my hands, crashing to the floor. I looked down at it, broken into a few big pieces along with amny tiny ones.

        I cursed under my breath, looking from the glass to my phone. I stretched my arm out, leaning towards my phone. I Held it in front of me, listening to it ring, but I couldn't answer it. I wanted to, but not was not a good time to talk to Craig. He could easily figure out something was wrong, and I coudn't keep lying to him. It was killing me how much I was already lying to him, and Zack.

        I put my phone back down, eyes focused on the ground as I slid down carefully. I picked up the bigger pieces of glass, setting them on the counter before finding the broom and dust pain to pick up the rest.

        My phone had stopped ringing, but only seconds later was going again. I didn't need to look to know it was Craig. He was used to me answering after the first ring, but now I wouldn't answer at all. I didn't know how long he'd try calling until he gave up, assuming I was asleep or doing something somewhere I wasn't able to answer the phone.

        When it stopped ringing a second time, I waited, but the only other sound that came was two short beeps. He'd left a voicemail. I almost reached to listen but decided that I'd listen to it later.

        I tipped the dustpan into the garbage, dumping the shards of glass into the bin before dropping it, along with the broom, back under the sink. After one glance around the floor to make sure I didn't miss anything, I walked away from the room.

        I went to my room first, finding clothes to change into, and then went to the bathroom to take a shower. The small room filled with steam from the hot water, but I only bothered to turn the temperature down a little. It was relaxing, and after scrubbing at my skin and standing under the water until it started to turn cold, I was feeling slightly better.

        I might not have been closer to figuring anything out, but I was calmer, the headache was gone, and I'd be able to think clearly, hoping it would help me decide on something permanent.

        I went back into the kitchen for another glass of water and to retrieve my phone. Having momentarily forgotten about the voicemail, my phone's beeping surprised me. I paused with my hand on the door, holding it half open. I shut it slowly, left my cup on the counter and walked to my phone.

        "Might as well," I said to myself, and held the phone up to my ear after calling my voicemail. I leaned my hip against the counter, staring down at my feet as I listened, and I wished I hadn't.

        I could barely understand what Craig was saying, partially due to the background noise, and partially due to how badly his words were slurring together as he shouted into the phone. I couldn't imagine where he was and what he was doing, but it sounded like he was enjoying himself just fine.

        I amost hung up early, annoyed at myself for thinking that maybe he'd have something important to say. He was probably just calling out of habit; from all the times he needed me to pick him up from a party in high schol. As I started to pull the phone away, another voice broke through, even more muffled than Craig's, but clearly female.

        I rolled my eyes, annoyed, and hung up, gripping it tightly in my hands as I got the water I'd come in for and retreated back into my room, into my bed. I didn't feel like doing anything else.

        I wasn't surprised by Criag's female company. I was used to it, sort of, but it was different this time. It made me think of Zack; the fact that he was the total opposite of Craig. With him it wouldn't be an open relationship. There could be strings and commitments and no worrying about seeing him with someone else. There would be stability, something I never had with Craig. It would be just us.