(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 57: Should Know

        A slow shift underneath my head caused me to open my eyes the next morning, and as I blinked my eyes open, my first thought was that it was Craig's bare chest I was resting my hand on. But, as my eyes focused, the tattoos inked into the skin reminded me that it was Zack I was with.

        The last twenty-four hours replayed in my head, the way I felt when it was Zack at my hotel room, wanting me to come home with him, and wanting me to move in with him.

        I shifted slightly, turning so I was lying on my stomach, body diagonal in his king sized bed. I folded my hands on top of each other across Zack's chest, resting my chin on my hands, head turned slightly so I was looking up at his face. He was still sleeping, eyes shut gently, chest rising and falling slowly underneath me.

        I was still amazed at how lucky I was. He was giving me a third chance, after everything I did to him. I had no idea how he thought I deserved him in any way.

        I sighed deeply, breathing out as I felt Zack's body shift slightly again, his eyes cracking open to look down at me I watched his mouth turn up in a smile, arms rising up above his hand as he stretched, squeezing his eyes shut. I picked my head up to free my hands, pulling at my tank top that had started to dig into my skin before returning to my previous position.

        Zack's hands dropped, one of them falling near my face, his fingers brushing a strand of hair back behind my ear. I moved myself forward, pressing my lips to his. I felt him smile even wider against my mouth before I pulled away, settling back down.

        "I think I could get used to that," he joked, chuckling softly. I gave him a weak smile, keeping his eyes on mine as he brushed back my hair again, his smile falling slightly.

        "What's wrong?" he asked, fingers brushing gently across my cheek.

        "Nothing," I muttered, raising my shoulders slightly in a small shrug. "Just thinking." I turned my head to the side, resting it on his chest as my fingers moved slowly across his skin, making random patterns acros the muscles of his stomach.

        "About what?" he pressed softly. I could feel his eyes watching me, even if my head was turned so I couldn't actually see.

        "Me, and you, and us," I mumbled, sighing again before I picked my head up, hand falling idly onto his stomach. His eyes followed mine, curious. "I know you said you want to forget about the last few weeks," I started, and he nodded slowly, waiting for me to finish, "but, I really want to explain something, eh, everything to you. Okay?"

        "You don't have to do that, Lauren," he told me, but I shook my head as he finished.

        "I want to, I need to. I want you understand why everything happened with Craig in the first place, and why I didn't tell you and how I feel.."

        "Alright, alright," he laughed lightly, cutting me off. "You can tell me."

        I sat up, sitting beside him with my legs crossed, waiting until he pushed himself up so his back was sitting up, leaning against the pillows and his headboard.

        "When I left, the first time, I thought it would make things easier," I swallowed hard, staring down at my hands as I spoke. "I thought not being with you at all would be easier than going months without seeing you and days and days without talking to you, only to end up fighting about things that were so stupid I don't even remember what they were about. I was obviously wrong; leaving was a thousand times worse.

        "Everything that happened with Craig, it happened because I was a mess when I moved here with him. I mean, even before that, he was my best friend, and before you came along, there was probably a part of me that wanted us to be more than friends," I started talking quickly, everything spilling out quickly now that I'd gotten into a rhythm. I was still looking at my hands, twisting my fingers together, almost afraid to look up at Zack's face.

        "And he was just trying to help me get over you, and everything from Maryland, but somewhere along the way something happened, and it turned into, well, whatever the hell it was," I muttered, shaking my head softly before continuing. "But Craig doesn't like commitment, he never has, and I was stupid to agree to his open relationship thing, but I think part of me still wanted to be more than friends, and it just took my mind off of you."

        I squeezed my eyes shut, hearing my own voice shake as I paused. I reached my hands up to wipe under my eyes, fingers coming away wet from the tears that had started to leak out of my eyes. I didn't know why this was getting me so much. Maybe it was because I was remembering everything I went through, and how screwed up I really had become.

        "But then you came back, and you really have no idea how happy I am that you even wanted to talk to me. I thought we could be friends, and that when Craig came back it wouldn't be complicated because I could explain it to him and everything would be fine, but then there was that night at my apartment, when you -- we kissed and that was it. I didn't want to be just friends with you."

        "Lauren," Zack said softly, interrupting me in the moment I took to catch my breath. I looked up quickly, my breath uneven as my eyes landed on his face, calm, but still almost impossible to read. He leaned forward, putting his face close to mine as his thumbs ran over my face, wiping at the wetness my crying had caused.

        I turned my eyes down, playing with the comforter around my legs as he spoke again, close enough that I could feel his breath blow gently across my cheeks.

        "You really don't have to explain," He said softly. "I understand." I lifted my hands, placing them on top of his that were resting on my cheeks. I shook my head softly again, looking up to meet his steady gaze.

        "I'm almost done," I said softly, voice just barely above a whisper. Zack dropped his hands from my face, leaning back slightly, but not all the way, and kept his hands on top of mine so I stopped picking at the material covering my legs.

        "I didn't tell you about Craig for two reasons. One, I had absolutely no idea how to say it, and two, I didn't want you thinking differently of me. I wanted to be the same person I was to you back in high school. I know I should have told you before he came back, and before everything came out like it did, but I was just scared. Being with you again, this has been the happiest I've been in six years, and I didn't want to but I know I screwed up everything anyway."

        Zack nodded gently as I stopped talking to run my hands through my hair, sniffling slightly.

        "And I don't know why I keep running away from you," I sighed, chuckling one in annoyance at myself. "You should know that you really don't deserve this. You deserve better than me."

        This time Zack sighed, reaching out to pull me into him. I moved willingly, resting my head against his chest, finding his heartbeat immediately as his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I felt his lips press softly to the top of my head before he pulled away, his chin resting on top of my head before he started to talk.

        "You should know that I think you're crazy for saying that. I don't think I could find anyone better than you, ever."