manacle bound

Thinking

You can't do this to yourself y/n, look at yourself this was him.
Yes he's changed but that doesn't make it any less him.

I sat on my bathroom floor all night long in a shorts and a crop top eating probably too much ice cream.
Sam will have me for that, that man loves his ice cream.

I wonder what buckys thinking, I mean he did try and ' save me' so maybe its the same.

" don't even do it y/n, you shouldn't even be thinking it" I repeated that in my mind over and over, im not going to hurt myself.

I managed to fall asleep around 2am on my bathroom floor, drunk and on a sugar high.. not a brilliant move.
" hey dee you want to train with me... are you okay?" Sam was stood at my bathroom door looking very frightened at the mess laid before him.

" oh yeah im brill, remind me to buy you more ice cream this just happened to get eaten..whoops" giving him a big smile he rolled his eyes and yanked me up by my arm.

" go in my drawer and throw me my workout leggins, underwear and a sports bra please"

" I don't want to touch your nasty underwear dee" he cringed at the thought.

" don't be stupid, they're clean and im not working out commando style. Prick"

Sam threw me my clothes so I could get dressed in the bathroom and clean the sticky ice cream off my face.
Leaving my room Sam walked me to the training room but not before we accidentally walked into bucky , coincidence, a couple awkward stares were shared between the two of us as we carried on our way.
" what the hell was that and why was it so awkward y/n " sam crossed his arms, stepping infront of me so I couldn't avoid the question.

" I trained with him yesterday, got too angry and cut him then he ended up ontop of me so I made him walk out the room" shrugging my shoulders I walked past Sam pushing him friendly out of the way.

" little bit of sexual ten-   ow damn" he grabbed his stomach where I had just throw at weighted plate at him.
" okay okay I get it, touchy subject" he smirked walking over to the punching bags.

I spent my training session using the punching bags and working on my core since my legs were still dead from working out with Nat yesterday.
Luckily there were no intrusions during mine and Sam's workout so we finished up quick and headed to the kitchen.
" ill make some chicken stir fry, text everyone else to see how many portions I should do please ".

" Jesus, everyone wants some. Guess you're a good cook" sam nudged me whilst he drank pure orange juice, that was what he always had after work out. If the orange juice ran out all hell would break loose.

I spent half an hour making the food for everyone but it would've been less if I wasn't serving 2 other supersoldiers and a literal God.
I enjoyed cooking for everyone when we all sat at the table, it was nice to share the love that this little family had.
Thats something I didn't get at the orphanage or at hydra so to finally have this.. well I wouldn't be able to give this up ever.

" This is really good y/n" Peter smiled at me in the middle of stuffing his face whilst everyone nodded and thanked me for my cooking.

" I enjoy cooking for you all but this has taken a lot of energy from me so bagsy wanda making a dessert" I winked at wanda who was giving me evils from the other side of the table.

" fine ill make a pudding but I'm choosing, ill probably do something with pears since you don't like them dee ha" she knew i could make her make me whatever I wanted but the child like sibling rivalry was my favourite.
I never knew her brother but I could only dream to have what they had.

Bucky cleared his throat from across the table " this is really nice y/n... where did you learn to cook..." to other people his face would look angry but to us we know how introverted he was, sam loved to tease him but I believe they'd be lost without each other around.

" funnily enough James I learnt how to cook when I worked with hydra... to feed you on missions" everyone was silent and buckys face turned red.

" oh y/n you little minx tell us more" Tony rested his chin in his hands on the table smirking which I shook my head at in utter embarrassment.

" its not ground breaking news, me and James went on most missions together. That was like my only purpose, to make sure I kept possible threats busy with my power and keep him alive " everyone was either staring at bucky or me but buckys eyes were locked onto me which caused me to feel uncomfortable.
His stare was so intense he could've been trying to blow my head up with magical powers if his red face didn't give him away.

" well bye im going for a walk" I stood up quick and sped out of the compound towards the trees that surrounded us.
When I was first saved from hydra they had messed with my brain so much that I couldn't remember my name so I'd come down to the trees and build little dens so I could sit in the piece and quiet to hopefully remember.
I finally remembered my name but before that Steve came up with the name ' dee', it was because when Shield first got me i destroyed a lot of stuff.
So my nickname was ' destroyer'  graciously given by Sam then Steve shortened it so I didn't come off as scary.

I could spend the whole night in those trees, they were beautiful and surrounded by all sorts of animals.

Absolutely majestic..