You're starving. Starving for fun, starving for satisfaction, starving for victory. As time goes on, you want more and more. You feel like you are going insane. You feel that this is becoming dangerous. If you don't stop now, you will regret it fore...
"I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof."
Sherlock BBC Series
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I become desperate, vulnerable, helpless, worthless, piteous, miserable, destroyed...
He is manipulating me. I see it, I feel it. I'm changing. He started to control all my actions. I have nothing to use against him. I can't stand this anymore. It's as if he's no longer my opponent. He is like a terrible monster. I don't even know what to do anymore. I do not want to lose. However, he has no weakness. He is making fun of me. He looks at me with a sly smile and mocks me. I hate him! I despise him! I loath him! I like him... I love him... I worship him...
Yes, I know it's not me. But still this feeling... This burning fire inside me... I can't stop this... This flame grows bigger every day. He is the one.
I'm not kind of person who lies herself about her feelings. I understand my feelings very well. I understand very well that I love him. But if I accept it in front of him, he will leave me. I can't live without him anymore. I have to make him fall for me. But how? How can I overcome this despair? It is true that emotions weaken a person. An unshakable person like me is now helpless. He is so far from me, despite he is standing next to me.
Nevertheless, I can not give up. He has become a part of my life. I have to make him love me. I have to do my best.
I will do it! I understand very well that this is a very risky and dangerous move. But I have no other choice left... The only way to tie him to me, to make him mine forever. Therefore, even if it is my downfall, I will take this risk. I will do this thing, which is the "ultimate" weakness of every man. I have never done that before. I don't know how it will end ... This is a risky gamble. However, I am a risk-taker. So I'm going to take a risk! I will do this thing that binds every man to a woman for the rest of his life.
I'm gonna...
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