The Lili Hummel Diaries

March 24th, 2021

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Addiction, Overdosing, Self-harm

"You got your head stuck in the ratings? How have I not heard this story?" Blaine blushed,

"Because..." A blonde warbler interrupted,

"Because Blainey feels embarrassed." A darker-haired warbler stood up and grabbed the blonde warblers shoulder,

"Jeffy what did we tell you." The blonde boy sighed,

"Don't interrupt people, and don't get excited about the puppies at PetSmart because we cant pet them." I must have looked confused because Wes pointed over at the small flock of warblers,

"The blonde one, that's Jeff. The darker-haired one, that's Nick. The one asleep on the table, that's Sebastian. That one next to Nick and Jeff, that's Trent and his boyfriend Alex." I looked over at Kurt,

"Don't worry Lili, I still haven't memorized everyone's names." Wes let go of my wrist,

"There you go." I smiled and hugged kurt,

"I'm sorry I scared you." Kurt began to rub my back,

"It's alright, but when we get home we need to talk." I nodded, trying to not cry in front of all of these warblers.

-time jump an hour Lili and Kurt are sitting in their new shared room in the basement-

"You gonna talk or should I tell you what Jessie sent me." I sighed and began to cry,

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you." Kurt held me,

"Listen to me, it's okay. I get your struggling and you needed to cope." I nestled my head into Kurts shoulder,

"It's my fault I'm like this." Kurt pulled up a small blanket and wrapped it around me,

"Hey, don't say that, I heard what happened between you and Nicole, and it's her fault." I held Kurt close to me,

"But she didn't keep buying alcohol, she didn't keep buying the packs of cigarettes, she didn't buy the pills that almost took my life, she didn't tell me to keep cutting." I was balling now, letting everything go.

-Flashback to last year, Lili is sitting in the auditorium in Carmel High contemplating suicide-

no one would care

just do it

you'll be free once you do it

I couldn't handle the thoughts, I grabbed my pocket knife out of my backpack and began to slice my wrists open. The cuts burned,

do it. take the pills. end your pain.

I grabbed the bottle of aspirin out of my backpack and began to swallow the pills. It only took five minutes to swallow the small bottle of pills. My vision began to blur, as a final goodbye I texted Jessie,

Goodbye

-Back to present time-

"Lili?" I was picking at the biggest scar on my wrist, I looked up at Kurt and began to ball my eyes out. Kurt held me letting his tears flow like the Nile,

"It's gonna be alright Lili. It's gonna be alright. We're going through this together from now on. You are not alone anymore." I fell asleep in Kurts arms, I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling the urge to cut. I was scared, I nestled closer into Kurt and fell back asleep. 

I woke up in the morning and wiggled out of Kurts arms and walked to Dalton, seeing if I could find that Wes guy from yesterday. I entered the campus and went to the senior common room, one of the other Warblers from yesterday, was sitting on the couch doing homework

"Lili?" I looked over at where the voice came from, seeing one of the darker haired boys from yesterday looking over at me, the boy stood up and walked over to me,

"What are you doing here? Does Kurt know you're here? Are you okay?" Too many questions were being fired at me, and I was exhausted from walking to another town with nothing in me since I hadn't eaten in a few days. Just as the boy walked over to me, I felt myself lose conciseness.

When I woke up I was on a couch in an apartment of sorts, Wes was on the phone with somebody, the warbler I had encountered in the senior commons was wetting a washcloth. I could hear some of what Wes was saying,

"No Blaine I don't know why she came to Dalton." Wes was arguing with blaine i think, the warbler who i had encountered came back over,

"Hey, you're awake." The warbler lifted my head up and sat down next to me and placed the washcloth on my head.

"I'm sorry which warbler are you again?" Wes didn't relise i was conciusios and he left the room to talk to blaine,

"I'm Nick. You okay?" I nodded, Nick hugged me,

"I'm alright." Nick laughed,

"You passed out in my arms, nobody that besides us around, i don't think your alright." I hugged Nick back,

"What exactly happened when i passed out?" Nick pressed the washcloth into my forehead,

"When you passed out, i brought you up here to mine and Wes's apartment, Wes saw you freaked out and called Kurt. I began to make sure you weren't hurt, then i got the washcloth and then you woke up. You were only out for like 10 minutes." Wes came back in, phone in hand clearly stressed,

"Good your awake." Wes came over and sat down on the floor next to the couch, Wes grabbed my hand,

"You alright?" I nodded and moved to sit in Wes's lap,

"I just had a rough night that's all." Wes nodded telling that i needed to talk soonish,

"Ok, I called Kurt when nick brought you into the dorm. Kurt and Blaine are on there way over to Dalton." I nodded and hugged Wes,

"Thanks." Wes nodded,

"Course. Nick, you can head to class, I got her." Nick nodded and left the dorm, Wes wrapped his arms around me,

"Okay, what happened?" I held Wes close to me,

"I had to talk about some tramua yesterday, and i had a bad flashback to my first attempt and i woke up multiple times wanting to cut." Wes hugged me,

"OKay, listen to me, next time that happens, get Kurt, okay?" I nodded,

"Okay." I began to lightly cry into Wes's shoulder,

"Even if I just met you formally yesterday, I care about you and I'll always be there for you."