The Lili Hummel Diaries

August 8th, 2021

"Let's go" Tina tried to pull me out of bed,

"Go away." Marley sat down at my desk and started flipping through one of my notebooks, "Mar, please don't read that." Marley stopped her flipping and looked at me,

"Who's Emily? And why are there tear stains on these pages?" I sighed,

"Emily is just a cover name for her, and if you haven't noticed I cry while writing most of the time." Marley closed the notebook realizing she was invading a bit. Tina sat down next to me,

"Are you okay?" I nodded,

"Yeah, can you guys leave me alone?" Marley nodded,

"I'd leave but I can't drive so." Tina stood up,

"Ok, we'll leave you alone, you need anything just text me, okay?" Tina and Marley left my room and I sat and started rereading the words on the page. I knew Kurt wanted to facetime today, but after getting past the first few lines I began to cry over Quinn again. (tell me that we know where this is going) My phone buzzed,

Kurt: Facetime me, please.

Kurt: Tina called me crying, please, Lili.

Kurt: Lils, I know that going through a breakup is hard.

Kurt: Lils, Tina saw the new scars, please call me.

Kurt: Lilian Collie Hummel call your twin brother now.

Me: Jesus Kurt it's not like I was killing myself.

I called Kurt and immediately he picked up,

"Are you alive?" I shrugged,

"Apparently, I wrote a song. Wanna hear it?" Kurt sighed,

"Is it the one Marley found?" I nodded, "Fine, only because I promised Tina." I grabbed my guitar from off the floor and began playing,

"First things first

We start the scene in reverse
All of the lines rehearsed
Disappeared from my mind
When things got loud
One of us running out
I should've turned around
But I had too much prideNo time for goodbyes
Didn't get to apologize
Pieces of a clock that lies broken"  Rachel had sat down next to Kurt on their couch as I kept playing,

"If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I'd never let you go
And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Emily"  Rachel watched me as I kept playing,

"Silent days, mysteries and mistakes

Who'd be the first to break?
Guess we're alike that way

He said, she said

Conversations in my head
And that's just where they're gonna stay forever

If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I'd never let you go
And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Emily"

"If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I'd never let you go
And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Emily"

I finished playing and Rachel and Kurt began clapping for me,

"Wow. That was something." Rachel was watching my face.

"That was about Quinn wasn't it?" I nodded,

"Yeah." I felt bad for writing about her but it didn't matter. Nothing really did, Kurt snapped his fingers,

"Lils, stay on earth please." I nodded,

"Sorry. I just keep thinking about her." Rachel looked at me,

"Lili, trust me being cheated on sucks, but you gotta move eventually." I probably should've made eye contact with Rachel, but the shirt she was wearing made her shoulders/collarbone look incredible (and very edible but I will never admit to thinking that). Rachel noticed where I was looking and started laughing,

"Lili pay attention. Trust me I know I look hot in this shirt but focus." Kurt had walked away and had just sat back down, he then noticed that I was basically drooling over Rachel,

"Oh dear god, Lili, she's taken. Remember?" I nodded,

"Yes but that doesn't mean I can't drool over her." Kurt smacked his forehead,

"And this is why I find lesbians confusing."