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-THURDSAY EVENING-
"Forgive me, I'm sorry."
Contradiction.
The act of having multiple juxtaposing feelings.
The act of not knowing exactly how to feel in a moment; for seconds on end, you're lost.
And that's where I was. I had come so far on this expedition only to lose my guide; the routes that were paved so deep and clear now erased by this fog and overhead storm, replacing the canopy of a blue, bird-less sky with grayed clouds and devastating perspiration. That scene of a mudding field before me, the clouds darkening as I stood there, utterly shocked and puzzled for what was to come. Words could no longer spill from my mouth as I waited for an explanation.
Ah, what was this feeling exactly?
Staring into the eyes of the taller male before me, I was rewinding. My stomach twisted into knots, although I hadn't eaten much, I was on the verge of clenching my chest with my palm at the distasteful memory. So bitter and raw it was.
Betrayal.
Looking at Jungkook's now pale face, his hands only trembling a small amount, his chest rising and falling rapidly like he was running out of air before he even spoke. I wanted- no, my heart wanted-to hear every last word he had to say. I wanted so badly to understand, to grasp the feelings of another and store them in my heart. I wanted it so much, like every wish I had made, with or without him.
I wanted to forgive him.
But the buckling of my knees, the curdling of my gut, the blurriness of my vision had all spoken differently. Each one defying peace, defying hope within him. Every last one of those feeling pushing, pulling, dragging, tugging, and ripping at my heart to make a decision. To straighten my back with all of my strength; I was currently under the unruly tutelage of my emotions. Contradictions and all, my pain had bleed through like the mark of a pen, signing off on a deal created by my past.
As I stand, I'm cracking.
As I breathe, I'm shaking
As I smile, I'm crying.
As I live, the inside of me is dying.
Staring at the face of love. At the face of a man, I considered to be an exception to the filth in this godforsaken world.
"Jeon Jungkook," I addressed him properly, "what do you have to say?"
I eyed the man in front of me, his eyes now darkening to an extent. Jungkook's stance had been reformed, his neck and chin facing toward me, with only a few feet of distance I was able to catch onto his altering demeanor. This one, eyes blazing, shoulders upright, jaw clenched as if he was suiting up into a knight's armor with his presence.
