Dare to Love Her | Michaeng

Chapter 22: Of course

Chaeyoung felt ridiculous.

She had cried that night until she fell asleep. Why? She was not sure. But it hurt, it hurt in such a weird way. She liked Mina's contact, she liked holding her, having her close, for a moment she had been really happy that the girl had gone to sleep with her, but then it always ends when she realizes that nothing is real.

Mina was just drunk. Chaeyoung felt pathetic. Pathetic for wanting Mina. She could never have Mina, it made no sense. After leaving Mina alone, she searched for another empty room and tried to sleep there, but she couldn't stop crying. She couldn't stop thinking of Mina's touch, that could calm her, she loved it when Mina played with her hair. She couldn't stop thinking of Mina's lips on her neck either, it was painful but she wanted to feel them again, she wanted it to be real. So she cried, because Nayeon was right, because Dahyun was right. She really liked Mina but it was all in her head. 'What about her heart?' Mina's heart. She had felt her heart and it was going so fast, Chaeyoung wanted an explanation for that. Mina said she made her nervous, but why? Mina would never realize on her own, she would never see her as she did. It didn't matter how fast her heart felt. Mina didn't want to see it. It was ridiculous, the whole thing was ridiculous. Chaeyoung felt weak.

The next morning she woke up and went to grab her things in the room where Mina was, she had been afraid of the girl waking up, but she was in deep sleep, so she took everything and before leaving she looked at her for a while. It felt different knowing that she had not woken up by her side and she felt a bit sad that Mina was not going to wake up with her on her side. 'let it go, Chaeyoung, it's not real' So she left downstairs. She tried to act normal, she barely talked, though, and she ignored Mina the whole time. When they all got to the dorms, she kept ignoring her, she couldn't go to their room, they will be alone there, she was not going to be able to deal with that, so she escaped, she just left.

She spent the whole day in the library. It was weird, but she didn't feel like being outside or going to one of her friends, she wouldn't be able to explain what had happened without feeling awfully humiliated. For moments she thought that maybe ignoring Mina was just making everything worse, but she didn't dare to look at her eyes again or to be denied of what had happened, just like everything in her head if she talked to Mina and she had no idea what she was saying, then it would be just like all the fantasies in her head.

'She won't remember, she doesn't remember, she was not in her right mind' Chaeyoung kept reliving the events in her head over and over again. She knew she was practically throwing herself a pity party, maybe she could just go and face Mina, but she was not strong enough. Chaeyoung was strong most of the time, but this was just different, she had never felt like that. It was complicated, what if Mina didn't remember a thing, that would be bad, but then what if Mina did remember and it meant nothing to her, that would be worse. Yeah, Chaeyoung was not going to figure that out, not anytime soon she wasn't, so she stayed in the library the whole day until it was really late. She needed to sleep, she had received a text from Mina, she knew the girl was going to be waiting for her, how could she go there? But she needed her things. It took her so much courage to finally go into her room. At the sight of Mina, her heart immediately felt heavy.

But then she just ignored her.

"Chaeyoung." 'I love her voice'

"Where have you been?" 'avoiding you'

"Can we talk?" 'no'

"Why are you ignoring me?" 'you should know that'

"Chaeyoung." 'Mina'

"I missed you." 'right'

"I miss you..." 'I miss you too'

"I'm sorry." 'about what?'