The Mates of Monsters

Chapter 23

I take my pajamas into the bathroom to change and prepare for bed. After I do so, I notice a crack in the door. I position myself so my eye sees right through it, right at the bed where David is sitting against the tufted headboard, reading something on his laptop. The artificial light of the screen glows on his skin, and I hold my breath, leaning closer into the sliver of space, seeing he is bare from the waist up. My eyes widen and my brows tug together. When he mindlessly glances at the bathroom door, I spring away and make no sudden movements.

I look at myself in the mirror, reconsidering my decision to wear a snug-fitting shirt with a thinner fabric. If he sleeps like that—which I'm assuming he is—then when he holds me—which he always does—I'll almost feel his bare skin. This stupid shirt will be the only barrier between our skin. It's not just our hands touching; it's plains of body pressed against one another. It's—

I close my eyes and lean against the wall. There's no point in overthinking these minuscule details when I have to pop out a dozen babies just in case something happens to eleven of them. How do you name twelve children? I don't think I could come up with more than three names I like.

I have a deep breath, and when I open my eyes, I'm faced with myself. My reflection watches me just as I watch her. Are you really going to go in there and let him hold you and kiss you and keep you forever? She asks. You'll become just like those old, bitter Lunas whose bodies are worn from childbearing and whose Alphas are busy smoking up in the boys club.

I glare at her. She's just upset because no one loves her. No one dreams of her or protects her. No one babied her when she was a baby and now she's trying to ruin this for me.

I shut off the light and hope the darkness drowns her.

David looks up as I leave the bathroom. I slyly take in his shirtlessness as I make my way over to the farther side of the bed. I stand at the edge with my arms crossed—strategically concealing—and he closes the laptop, setting it on the nightstand. If I could freeze time to stare and touch him just to get it out of my system, I would.

"Ready for bed?" He asks.

Rather than answering verbally, I pull back my half of the covers and climb up onto the bed. The mattress is firmer than the one at home, so I move around to get comfortable. David turns off the lamp beside him, and I end up with my back to him. As expected, he comes over and brings his arm around me, but when his fist raises a little too high along my front, I jerk, startling him. "David!" I scold, bashful and alert.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Can we lay back down?"

I grumpily lower with my arms protecting me. He gives me a look and says, "We sleep in the same bed. It's nothing I haven't felt before."

"What does that mean?"

"When you lay against me—"

I quickly say, "Don't. I didn't need to know that. Just—just sleep over there, and I'll sleep over here."

"Was it the talk about children? Is that what's making you act like this?"

I ignore him and settle down against my pillow, securing the covers over my shoulder. He sighs and says, "Come on. Come here."

I peer over my shoulder to find him laying on his back with his arm stretched out for me. "You really think I'm going to do that after what you just said?"