Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 11: Nick Miller and Jessica Day

There was at least food on the table when they got back inside. It was late, and the day of drinking and games was catching up with everyone. No one seemed keen to linger after dinner.

As everyone made their way to their rooms, Y/N grabbed her pajamas from her things and changed in the bathroom. When she came back out, she saw that Chris had been serious earlier - he was making up the couch for himself.

"Are you sure about taking the couch?" Y/N asked. As much as she didn't want to sleep on it, she felt a little guilty booting him out of his bed and onto that death trap.

"Yeah, it's fine. Good night." His tone left no room for discussion. He was completely closed off.

"Alright, good night then."

Y/N entered what was now her bedroom and closed the door behind her. The room wasn't big, just large enough for a queen sized bed and some night stands on either side. The bed had drawers for storage underneath, she guessed for a place to put some clothes during a longer stay. The room at that moment seemed bigger than it was though, and Y/N felt very alone. There was a weird hollowness inside her that resembled guilt, but was something more. She couldn't quite place it, but she didn't like it. She crawled into the bed.

Y/N expected to fall asleep immediately. After all, she'd had a long day. But as much as she tried, sleep just wouldn't come. She would toss and turn for a while, check the clock, notice the minutes ticking by, repeat. Hours went by, and still sleep was no closer.

Y/N pulled more pillows towards herself, hoping to just smother her brain into unconsciousness. She buried her face in them, and a pang of longing hit her right in her chest.

The pillows smelled like him. Y/N hadn't even realized that she'd been close to him enough to be able identify something like that. But they smelled like his cologne, they just smelled like him. The hollowness was worse now.

She wondered what she was supposed to do. She clearly could keep fucking him in secret if that's what she wanted. But was that what she wanted? She still couldn't get a read on him. Who was this man? Was he the confident, breezy flirt from the lift? Or the man from last night's sloppy sexual encounter? Maybe he was the sweet man she'd joked with in the snow earlier that day? Or maybe he was the guy that insulted her and kissed her senseless against a tree?

She wasn't sure who she wanted him to be. She wasn't sure that all of those people made sense to her.

Y/N desperately wanted her best friend's input, to puzzle this out with her. But even if Y/N hadn't hidden the whole of what was going on from Mary, she was biased. Chris was her cousin, and she had already voiced the opinion that he was someone Y/N should pursue.

She laid in the silence for a while more, unable to quiet her racing thoughts. Eventually, she fell asleep, with the scent of Chris around her.

---

Y/N woke the next morning in bed, alone. The hollowness from the night before hadn't disappeared. Part of her harbored some secret fantasy that Chris would sneak into her room in the middle of the night and ravage her. But that part was not the rational part of her mind.

Most of her knew that she would wake up alone. She still felt a little guilty she had exiled Chris from his comfy bed to the horrible couch. Especially since he could have been in here, with me, doing unspeakable things, the desperate part of her thought. Again, the more rational part of her mind shoved that down.

She rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands. What was wrong with her? She really needed to get her shit together. She buried her face in her pillow and groaned. It was a mistake, because the pillows still smelled like him, even after a night of her sleeping on them. She sat up, and heard a knock at the door.