Decision or Destiny ?

1.

You changed.       
           Looking in the mirror I don't like what I see. Reflection which should be mine is unrecognizable,  sad swollen face, red puffy eyes and the brutal weight lost, the only positive I try to find in this situation. Crying over my broken heart wasn't on the agenda today but it happened anyway. With  concealer I top up my under eye area, blend it smoothly until it covers it all. Coat of mascara on my eyelashes and my eyes are looking better, or at least I hope they do. I'm forcing smile on my face but is not working, Fuck it, make up can't cover my mental state. Its been over two weeks ,get your shit together Hazel. 
April will be here soon and if I'm not ready she is not going to be happy. I grab my black sandals, strap them around my ankle,  they have never been comfortable so I don't know why I still keep them in my closet. Truth is they make my legs look good.
Last check in the mirror, little black dress I'm wearing fits me better now after crying and not eating much last two weeks. I was never fat or skinny, happy in between but now I'm slim and not happy, actually I'm miserable. My hazel hair are styled in beach waves coming down my shoulders hiding half of my swollen face. What is a good hair day for if I'm not happy. One last thing, pretend to be ok until you convince yourself you are. Until pain in my heart goes away.

Three knocks on the door means April arrived.  I open the door for her. ''Swiis swoo girlie you look amazing.'' Her eyes move to my face and immediately she pulls me into. ''What happened?'' She whispers like she is scared louder noise will make me cry. She pulls herself and a one look at me tells her all,  make up doesn't cover misery.

I try to smile, I really try. ''I'm ok, really.'' I'm definitely not and she knows it but I lie anyway. ''I found the dress in the bottom of my closet. Memories of the night came back and i couldn't hold my emotions at bay. I took the scissor and cutted dress to small pieces, sorry." April made me the dress for the special night and it was beautiful,  but only the dress not the night. April  looks surprised, happy,  confused, "Did it help?" I smile at her." You can't imagine." I lost my mind when I found the dress. There was no coming back they had to go. I took out my anger on them.

I take a deep breath. "Tonight I'm moving on with my life, I can't live like this anymore and I hope you are prepared, because it involves a lot of alcohol.'' Determination in my voice is so strong I  can even convince myself that after tonight everything will get better. No more thinking or crying about him, lost love or the life we planned together. It's all gone.

''That's Hazel  I know.  Girls night is all you need to have a good time again, get your mind somewhere else." Devilish smile on her face shows she can't wait to get loose, maybe just maybe she needs it too,  maybe there are troubles in April's paradise again. "After tonight you will be more than ok, you will be hangover and swearing of alcohol for the rest of  your life. Your head will be so sore that I will be the only one on your mind.'' April laughs and winks at me. Definitely problem or two with Liam her boyfriend when she is keen on getting drunk.

We leave my place, take a taxi and in less than 15 minutes driver pulls 
outside the club. I try to get April to open up about Liam her boyfriend but she shuts me down everytime  I try. I give driver money and tell him to keep the change.  The club is called Black, it's my first time visiting it  Building is all black with a massive rustic sign Black on the top. It was Monica's idea to meet here tonight and I'm not sorry when I see the interior of this place. Floors and walls are black,  seating area is grey black with gold accessories placed all around to give it high end look. Bar is located in the middle, it is rustic colour like a sign outside with black details going thought. I never seen place like this one, it's so calming, beautiful and dark, like my life at the moment. 

April elbows me. ''Monica is there.'' She points with her finger, I turn around and see Monica in hot pink dress sitting at the bar flirting with bartender, she  is unmissable. She is type of girl you notice first, confident,  beautiful and energetic.