Decision or Destiny ?

5.

Days go way faster since I quit my job, Friday is here I don't know how, the feeling of new opportunity excites me to the point my productivity skyrockets. I wash all dirty clothes, sort out kitchen, drink two strawberries teas and I ring girls to wish them good luck. Monica promises me to send me all pictures with comments from the day so I will not miss any detail.With three hours left until the interview I decide to go for little shopping to calm my nerves down. This will be my first interview in years, I want to do well and get the job.

I go to the nearest shopping centre, which is good 40 minutes' walk from my building, fresh air, sun do wonders to me. I feel energized and calm, ready to face the afternoon. First stop on my shopping is the flower shop, I can't resist walking inside when I see display window looking like flower heaven, all shades of pink are arranged into big clouds, small baby pink flowers are used as rain falling down onto beautiful flowers of all colours, it looks incredible. I will have to bring girls some day.
  Pink roses catch my eyes when I walk in, I treat myself with dozen of them. For April I get a bouquet of yellow roses which I know she will love, yellow is her favourite colour. And small Red roses for Monica, I can't leave her out.
Girls will be back tomorrow, the plan is  they will stop in my place first to celebrate. I will prepare their favourite vegie soup, it's a miracle food after a full night of drinking and roses will be something small to show them my love.

When I get back home It's time to get ready for interview. I leave my hair in low ponytail, my makeup is minimal but I put effort in it. I put on my blue jeans, white blouse, I look professional but not trying too hard.  I put on nude pumps and I'm ready to go when my phone rings in my hand. Unkown number, I answer. 'Hello''?

I hear some noise in the background. ''Hazel, this is Lucia. I have to cancel the interview. I'm sorry but I got emergency situation and I need to deal with it now. I will ring you next week.'' She sounds all worried.

''I understand Lucia. Take care.'' I never know what to say people in emergency situation, when i'm not prepared.

''Thank you, Hazel. Talk soon.'' She hangs up.

I knew I should go to support April, this is karma getting back at me for not going. Guilt is eating me up, even if I leave now, I will be not able to make it on time. I grab a book from the bookshelf I bought three months ago to keep my brain busy with something else then guilt. It doesn't matter how hard I try to focus, I read it without knowing what it is about. I check my phone and it's time for fashion exhibition to start. I should be there with them, I would have great time to celebrate April's creation. It was wrong decision to priorities interview, but it's too late now.

It's time for bath, whenever I feel shitty, or have a bad day, bath always helps me to wash it off. I go to the bathroom and turn the tap on in the bath. Before bath gets filled with hot water, I add cup of salt Monica got for my birthday last year. Vanilla bath foam is a must, I pour good bit into water. I love the smell of vanilla. With my hand I check temperature of water, it's very hot and that's the way I like it. I strip my clothes down and put my feet into bath. I'm standing in the water waiting for my body to acclimatize with hot water. When I feel ready, I slowly sit down in the water and a minute later I lay down on my back with head on the towel on the edge, I'm in my own heaven. All the worries are slowly dissolving into water. I feel good, relaxed, guilt slowly leaving my body. I remember my old self, worry free, never stressed, how did I change so much over breakup?
This place gives me what I needed new start and hopefully I will be myself again.
I don't know for how long I have been laying in bath when Eric wonders into my mind again, the way he laughed, it was honest and beautiful like he doesn't do it often but enjoys it when he does. Fuck. Get him out of your mind Hazel, pull yourself together I tell myself. I wash my hair, after I wash my body thinking how life can change in minute. Everything you have becomes nothing and nothing becomes everything. I believe what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but I don't want to be stronger sometimes. Being week should be ok too, but in this world is not.