Decision or Destiny ?

10.

I move back to the table, sit down comfortably in his armchair holding glass in one hand and cigarrete in second. Warmth from decking is heating my legs. I take a sip of my vodka and I clip ash into ashtray.

He looks at the big ashtray then back at me. ''Are you gonna smoke that much?'' It looks big, but it's only one they had.

I shake my head. ''No, I would probably die if I smoke that much. They only had this one , I think it's suits tonight's purpose.''

I finish my drink. He takes vodka and pours good bit into my glass. It's a half of glass nearly, he takes juice and tops it up.
''Are you trying to kill me?'' I ask, ''That's way too much.''

Eric sits back. ''You said you want to get drunk, I want to help you to get rid of your pain.''

I move my chair closer to the table. ''Eric you are too good to me, and you don't even know me. I was bitch to you before, in return you have been more than helpful to me, I don't deserve it."

He takes his drink to his mouth and drinks good bit of it.
"Hazel don't, you don't know." I know what I said when I said it.

We start to drink and talk about everything. I smoke with my drink and after couple of them I start to feel drunk. Fog that covers my clear thinking is here.

I learned Eric had two brothers, one of them died in car crash when he was only 7years old and his family never recovered from this tragedy. Because of that accident Eric's older brother is heart surgeon. He is married to another surgeon, they work in the same hospital. They have two kids, boy and the girl. His parents retired but his dad still works sometimes, not only because he loves it but because he is workoholic .

I tell him about my parents. My dad has a small electric shop in the city where we are from and still live there. My mammy works in catering industry, she and her friend opened business ten years ago after being treated badly by their manager in food store they worked in. They took the bullet opened their catering shop and it worked out for them. My parent's divorced soon after my mam opened her business. I think it was a good thing. They grew a part so much , they were living like a strangers in one house. Both of them are happy now and they get on really well which helps as I'm the only child. My family lives four hours drive from here. I came here to study business. Started to work and fall in love with the city, meet Alex and stayed here.

I light up another cigarette. First I take sip of my drink and then inhale good bit of nicotine.

''What happened with your ex?" He ask me. I'm drunk no control over my mouth anymore, it works and talks by itself.

I look into dark sky and start talking. ''Alex and I were together for over four years. He told me he needs to tell me something important. I honestly thought he want to give me some good news. April said it will be proposal, I knew it won't be it, but I got a new dress anyway, got my hair and make up done. Full of expectations I was waiting for him in the restaurant he booked reservation for. He came, sat down to tell me he doesn't love me and doesn't know if he ever did. He said something about leaving and apartment but I didn't listen , I was in shock he broke up with me when I believed our relationship was a good one. At least I thought that. I went to April's house after and when I got home, his stuff was gone. I never got a closure until today, why he broke it of with me.'' Tears start to fall down my cheeks and I'm grateful it's dark .

''Do you still love him?'' He ask softly.

Tears covered my face, I take deep breath. ''No. He broke my heart into million pieces, I have nothing left to love him with.''

He pulls out tissue and give it to me. ''Hazel that's not true. You have a heart. You wouldn't be able to shred a tear for him if you didn't.''

I wipe my tears. ''Eric my chest is empty. This tears are self-pity tears I feel for myself, for being naive with him.'' I exhale, I just fucked up this lovely day. I look at him. ''I messed up this evening enough I better go to bed now.''