My life

4/19/21

hello everyone 🙂 i know i haven't updated in a while. i honestly have no idea if anyone reads these anymore. i don't really care if anyone reads these or not honestly i just wanna get something off my chest. but before i do that i'll just update you guys a little on my life.

i got my licence in November of 2020 i passed my test on my first try but then again i did have my permit till i was 17 so that helped a little bit but it was annoying asf since i couldn't take my text because of covid restrictions on everything it was like that till like September. it's crazy to think about how it impacted everyone and how everything's gonna be different for years to come. i'm not exactly sure when the last time i updated was but i have a boyfriend we've been together since 8/20/20 tomorrow will actually be our 8 month anniversary. my longest relationship was 6 months and i ended that for many different reasons i'm sure you all know why since it was the #1 topic of this story for a couple chapters. after that i was with another guy for 4 months he broke up with me 1/30/20 i think i wrote about that too. i dated another guy after him but that was more of a rebound thing because he ended up lying to me and hiding everything constantly idk when we started dating cuz it wasn't really official until i asked about it but we were off and on for a couple months then he told me he wasn't mentally ready for a relationship. and now i'm with someone else and we've been together for 8 months. he still seems like he's stuck up his ex's ass like when we were first getting together she threatened to kill herself so he told her he would still be there for her as a friend. he constantly talks about how it pisses him off that the guy she cheated on him with is still all over her. he gets so triggered over it then gets mad at me when i cop an attitude. i told him multiple times it bugs me he even watched me cry over it one time but still continues to make me feel like he doesn't love me anymore and i don't know what to do. i'm so tired of feeling like i'm the problem in all my relationships. he told me earlier he thinks that his names gonna pop up on that dudes story or hers and as soon as i heard him say that about his ex my heart started racing and i started shaking so bad i couldn't finish what i was doing. he doesn't understand how it affects me. he knows i'm an over thinker and knows about my depression and anxiety yet he still brings things up that trigger it. i know he doesn't know every trigger i have and that's not his fault it's my fault for not communicating but he knows i'm insecure asf i don't understand why he still tells me this. it sometimes makes me feel like he would rather be back with her to keep her from being with anyone else than be with someone who treats him like a king. i do more for him than i have ever done for any of my ex's i just feel like i'm putting so much effort into something that might not even last. i love this fucker to death but it really hurts me when he talks about his ex that way and i don't know what to do or how to bring it up again.