Promises (TP 6)

88 - Flower

Double update today.

Patrick rolled over and looked at the clock. It was his day off and he couldn't sleep. He moved closer to Tessa. He had to keep some distance between them in his king-size bed. The first night she had the cast, she turned and gave him a bruise on his leg. They couldn't afford to have both of them out of commission.

She moved towards him and he gathered her in his arms. He had grown accustomed to having her in his bed. At first, his empty bed was a sign of his loss. Climbing into the cold sheets each night was a slap in the face after barely surviving sixteen hours of life without his wife. Over time, he grew used to sleeping alone. He often woke diagonally in the oversized bed. Even before Erica became sick, they had stopped sleeping in each other's arms if they ever had. Each slept on their own side, meeting in the middle when they made love. Before moving to Maine, they lived in a small apartment and slept in a double bed. They had no choice but to bump into each other.

Every night Tessa slept in his arms until her cast threatened to sterilize him. He loved his wife with all his heart, but everything that happened in the bedroom was so much better with Tessa. Was he betraying Erica for thinking Tessa was better at anything?

She moaned as she settled against him. He kissed her neck, and she mumbled, "I wanna sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Early. The girls won't be up yet."

The girls had a habit of waking up and piling into the big bed. They had adjusted well, and he desperately wanted to convince Tessa to move in for good. She would protest because of Hannah, but his daughter had been tolerating their houseguests. He was afraid it would change later when he told them about the baby. It was the reason he couldn't sleep. He was on the verge of ruining his children's lives, at least changing everything.

He had finally told his own mother. On his way home from work, he called her and explained about Tessa's ankle and their living arrangements. Her first question was Hannah. He felt his heart pounding. He felt like he had when he broke the window with a baseball. He knew better than to bounce it off the house, but he had no one to play catch with him. He had to do chores for weeks to pay off the cost of the window. In retrospect, glass panes were not very expensive. His mother took advantage of his guilt. He was afraid she would do the same or worse, he'd feel her disappointment.

"I have something I want to tell you. The kids are finding out tomorrow, so please keep it to yourself until they know."

"Are you getting married?" Her voice was high with excitement.

"No, at least not yet. Not until Hannah comes around. But you're going to have a new grandchild."

"Really? Patrick, is that what you want?"

He answered honestly. "I'm excited. I know we messed up the order of things, but we're not kids."

"You aren't. You'll have a teenager at sixty."

"I know, but he'll have a young mother. Besides, I'll have Maya and Chloe almost as long. I love those two. I'm not sure when it happened, but I do."

"You're a good boy. I thought for sure this would happen to you when you were eighteen."

As accepting as his mother was, he couldn't expect the same from his children. Gabby and Kevin started complaining about going to see the counselor the minute he mentioned it. The appointment had been scheduled earlier than he would have liked, and they were all complaining about not being able to sleep in.

"You're worried." Tessa's voice was quiet in the stillness of the morning. The only sound was the birds singing and the distant sound of the ocean.

He wanted to deny it, but they were in it together. "Uh, huh. I'm more worried about the other two. Hannah can't hate our relationship more than she does."

"You don't think she's coming around?"

"With the girls, but not with you. She's just sneakier. She forgets I know her."

"I didn't think you noticed. She likes to wait until no one is around to take her jabs."

"Then it's worse than I thought. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because she's your daughter. I don't want to come between you two."

"She's making it hard for me. You'll never love her like I do Maya and Chloe." Tessa knew he loved her daughters. What she didn't know was that he loved her. Maybe he was foolish to wait. He should tell her when she physically could not run away.

"That's not true. She's just hurting."

He had never met anyone with as much empathy as Tessa. He held her tighter and kissed behind her ear.

She squirmed. "We don't have time. The girls."

"I know. One of them will ask and I don't want to lie and it's not fair for me to tell them before you. So Tessa, when they ask, I'll say yes."

"Ask what?"

He nudged her. She turned from their spooning position so they were face to face. "If I love you. My answer is yes, I love you, Tessa Simon."

She blinked. "You do."

"It's okay if you don't. I'm not expecting you to say it back."

"I'm afraid."

He brushed his lips on hers. "I am too. I think about if you were to get sick. I can't go through that again."

"You don't know me."

He shook his head. "You're wrong. I do. I might not know every detail, but I know you suffered for a long time. You've said enough for me to know you were in an awful place even after Chloe was born. I might have been the same if I had to live through what you had. I get emotional just imagining, but I only want to talk about it if it will help you. You are not the same person I bumped into. You have blossomed like a beautiful flower."

The tears leaked out of her eyes. He wished she could tell him she loved him, but he knew her enough that she would need to process it. He hoped she loved him enough to overcome Hannah's dislike for her.

He kissed her without lingering. "I'm going to get up."

"I'll be a few minutes."

"Take all the time you need." She couldn't run away, but she could retreat and he would give her the space she needed.

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