More Than A Hero

Making Amends (Bucky X Male)

Trigger Warning, Loves. I mention that you cut.

IF ANY OF YOU DO PLEASE TALK TO ME!!! I USED TO DO IT TOO SO I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!!! LET ME TRY TO HELP YOU PLEASE!!!

James Buchanan Barnes, AKA the Winter Soldier, AKA White Wolf, AKA your crush. But could it ever happen? No. That's what you told yourself so you felt less guilty every time you dragged the knife across your wrist, praying to die. The world was too much for you, you felt too little. He'd be the only one to miss you, so he was the only reason you felt bad. That was two years ago, but you still had the scars. You wore long sleeves, jackets, or long gloves all the time to hide it. 

One day without warning, your front door burst open, and in walked none other that Bucky-fracking-Barnes himself. As you scrambled to put the hoodie around your waist on, he flopped rather dramatically into your arms. You dropped the hoodie to catch him, of course. "Y/N! Did you know that-"

He froze, and you stiffened when his metal hand gently wrapped around your wrist. No, please don't- His thumb softly traced one of the scars. "Are these-"

"Yes..." Bucky moved to face you, still holding your wrist, then took the other one. You blushed; the way you were standing was like a scene from some cheesy romance movie. Tall Person looking down at Small Person, arms connected in the middle. To bad you were a guy, standing in boxers and a t-shirt. (It was 7 am. You felt no need to wear pants before 9:30 if you didn't have work) Except, the way he was looking at you.... that matched the movies, which was weird. He didn't like you like that; you knew for a fact.

"When did you-" You cut him off, pulling your arms back and holding them against your torso. "A couple years ago. I'm fine, alright. So you can stop looking at me like that. Don't make that face at me." He frowned and took a step forward; you stepped back. "What face?" Bucky asked. He took another step forward, you took another one back. "What face was I making?" The movement continued until you were against the wall, then you exploded.

"That face! That one like you care! You don't, I know you don't! No one did, damn it! So just-" He silenced you by stepping do close his shoes were touching your feet. "I care. I always did." The super soldier's voice was low as he spoke. Wide eyed, you watched, well felt really, as he took one arm and brought it to his lips, kissing one of the scars. The whole time, his eyes were locked with yours. 

You inhaled sharply when his lips made contact with your wrist, and he kissed each one slowly. "Wh-what-" Clearing your throat, you tried again. "What are you doing?" You whispered. "Showing you I care." He dropped your arm and reached for the other, but you hid it behind you. "No, this- this kissing thing. What is it?" 

"I'd kiss the scars away if I could," Bucky whispered back. "Why? You're part of why they're th-" You slapped a hand over your mouth, but it was too late. The damage was done. He flinched as though you'd slapped him and looked into your eyes. "I didn't mean to say that," you whimpered. "Am I really a cause?"

"Partly..." James leaned into you, touching your nose with his, then both of your eyes closed when he leaned in further and softly pressed his lips against yours. A tear rolled down your cheek. (If anyone tells me boys don't cry we will fight.) "My name is James Buchanan Barnes, and you are part of my efforts to make amends." 

"Keep doing it then," you whispered to him as he wiped away the tear. "I will." Bucky cupped your cheeks in his hands, wiping tears away as they dropped.

"I promise."