In love with the Princess

chapter 47

Lilliann's POV

"Calm down Lil." Ryder said sweetly. His voice alone soothes my thoughts. We were at the clinic for my appointment and to say I was nervous would be an understatement.

I've always wanted kids. The idea never came to me that my previous actions could cause this to happen. I'm not worried about me though. I'm fine with the idea of adopting or fostering. It's Ryder I'm scared about. What if he leaves me because he wants kids that are his own. I can't live without him. He is the anchor to my boat.

"What are you thinking about?" He questions. I look at him meeting his soft blue eyes. "Nothing big. Don't worry." I try to reassure him with a smile. He gives me a weird look clearly not believing me for a second.

Instead of pushing he just holds my hand tighter in his. He presses a soft kiss to the side of my head.

"Miss Lilliann." a voice calls. I look up to meet the beeautiful african americans stunning green eyes. Her hair curled and her face glowing.  She looks around my age and is stunning.

I stand with Ryder's hand in mine and walk towards the godess in front of me. "I'm Nia I'll be checking you out today." She holds out her hand. I shake it. Her hands are soft and her nails are done in a tan color. Why are you being so insecure right now?

"Hi." I sqeak out. I clear my throat and smile shyly. I probably look like a tomato. "Nice to meet you. This is my fiancè Ryder." She gives him a million dollar smile which he returns. They would be cute together. Stop! Why are you thinking that?

I shake my head of the thoughts. "Okay follow me and we will get started right away." We follow her down the hallway. The white walls bare of any photos. The smell of antiseptic is more sickening than anything.

My stomach churns at the thought of not being able to have kids. The thought of Ryder leaving me, for good. How angry my parents will be because they won't have a blood heir.

She opens a door and inside is just as white and clean looking. Only one singular black and white photo hangs on the wall opposite of the bed.

Why do all hospitals look like this?

"Go ahead and sit on the bed." I did as she instucts. Ryder sits in a chair beside me still holding tightly onto my hand.

Nia sit on one of those rolly chairs and rolls over to us. She has a clipboard and pen in her hands.

She smiles as she looks at me. "Okay Lilliann I just need to ask you a few questions. All of your answers will be secret and none of your information will get out. Only you, your doctor, and I will be able to see it. Just answer the best to your abilities and if you don't want to answer that's fine. You ready?" She is so sweet as she speaks.

I let out a breath and nod hesitantly. She smiles. "Great." She looks at the clipboard.

"Have you had a past with drugs?" My heart stops at the question. Why are we already so personal. Should I tell her. I nod slightly as I look at Ryder and I's hands that are on my lap.

"Okay. Have you had a problem with drinking alcohol to much?" I wince at her words. The hope I had for children is seemingly dissapearing.

"Yes." I answer simply. "How old are you?" She continues. Finally a simple question. "21" she writes something down.

"On a scale of 1-10, 10 being really bad, how bad is or was your problem with drugs and or alcohol?" My grip on Ryder's hand becomes tighter.

"I've stopped drugs but I have some wine every once in a while. I'd say about a 7." I mumbled.