Deeply Devoted - A JeanxMarco AU

Rage

Jean's POV:

A few more days had passed, it now being Tuesday of the next week.  Marco honestly hasn't left my mind, but I can't admit that to anyone.  

Hitch and I talked, but she didn't have much to say.  She listened more than anything and it helped being able to talk to someone without judgment or an argument.  

Now, I was sitting down next to Emily on the couch in couples therapy with my hands holding my face, elbows on my knees as I sat forward.  

I'm tired of fighting.

"Jean, how do you feel about it?  Is Marco still on your mind?"  The counselor asked after Emily responded to a similar question.  

Of course he's still on my mind.  He was my happiness.

"I'm just tired of fighting," I took in a deep breath through my fingers, wiping my hands down my face.  "No, Marco isn't on my mind.  I'm just trying to make this better for Emily and I."

"Are you sleeping in the bed with her yet?"  

"Yes I am," I responded honestly, knowing I would have to take the steps sooner rather than later.  "That conversation we told you about, that night I started staying with her."  

"The one when you guys talked about it not seeming real?"

"Yeah," I started, leaning back on the couch next to my fiance who was staying quiet.

"Have you been doing anything else to help the relationship strengthen?"  

I nodded my head, looking at him with a blank stare.  "I asked about my lease contract and if I could end it early but I haven't gotten a response.  I started making her meals again, starting to talk about how I feel about things too."  

"Have you guys talked about the situation?"  

"No," I was quick to respond, returning with honesty, "we get too worked up about it without you being there.  We might start talking about it, but it turns into yelling really quickly."  

"Emily," he turned his head to her, leaving me alone again, "do you see that he's trying?"  

No, she pushes me away like she did before.  She's getting too comfortable with the fact that she knows I'm pinned to her because of my baby.

"Yes," she responded and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes.  

"Have you guys touched each other or returned to your acts?"  

"No, he refuses to," she muttered as I watched her head turn to her lap from my peripherals. 

I took in a deep breath, knowing she would mention that if he asked.  I didn't want to argue, so I just waited for the next question.

"Why, Jean?"  

"I'm not ready to," I responded calmly, my eyes feeling heavy from how tired I was. 

"I'm not asking if you have sex," he chuckled, testing the waters.  

"I know," was all I said.  You're asking if I have held her, embraced her.  I'm not an idiot.  

"I see," it grew silent between Emily and I.  

We haven't shared a single glance at each other during this session.  During the last few sessions, actually.  

"Try it," the therapist spoke up again, catching both of us off guard.

"What?"  I choked on a breath, not knowing how else to react.