Melancholic (BxB)

Chapter 23

"Is your nose alright?" Andrew asked once he sat on the driver's seat and started the engine of his car without any trouble.

"Yeah... It's fine." I muttered under my breath.

I was still a little dizzy after the events of tonight. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me as a whole because it was one of the most mortifying moments of my entire life. All I could wish for then was to just be left alone where I'd be able to cry until my tears would merge with my skin and melt it away as my whole body dissolved into nothingness. Even though being overdramatic was one of my specialties deep down in my mind I knew that disappearing wasn't a real option for me. I had to face my fears and it wouldn't feel good at all. This experience didn't help me get over my fear it made everything even worse. Even though I was already scared of water I'd never felt this hopeless against it up until that point where I was forcefully thrown into the pool.

But behind all those terrible thoughts there was one memory that was different from all the others. It was a happy one, or at least more refreshing compared to everything else that was swirling through my mind.

That memory was about the hug that happened just a few minutes ago. It wasn't very long but for some reason it felt like Andrew and I were holding each other for a century but at the same time when we parted I felt some form of dissatisfaction. I wanted it to last just a second longer but I would never admit that to anyone because it was so wrong to feel that way but it was also something I couldn't deny. That hug was the only thing that was helping me to be just a little less sad and although it wasn't enough to cheer me up it was still able to keep me going.

Even though I just said that I wanted to hug Andrew that didn't mean that I wasn't angry at him. He disappeared for so long and left me with his stupid ex who was acting like a vulture.

I knew Andrew wasn't the one responsible for what happened but I couldn't help to feel a little mad.

But most of all, I was frustrated at myself. Why? Because I let my childish dreams and hopes take away my sense of reality. I allowed myself to believe that Andrew was someone who'd help me whenever I was in trouble. Obviously that was impossible. I couldn't rely on him because that would just be stupid of me. I couldn't tell you why I expected that he'd be by my side when clearly he had his own life to worry about and me adding my problems onto his was just unwise and selfish.

"Let's take you to the hospital, just in case." Andrew said without removing his eyes from the road.

Ugh, I just don't get what he's trying to do. One minute he's so rude and obnoxious but then he turns into my fairy godmother?

Why is he worried about me? I just don't understand what he wants from me. He wouldn't help me if there wasn't some benefit for him as well but I don't see what that could be right now. Does he want to make himself seem like a Good Samaritan or perhaps he actually has a thing called conscience?

I'm tired of playing guess with him. I'll just let him decide whatever he wants to do and when he's ready maybe he'll open up to me.

"It's just a nosebleed." I assured him because I wanted to avoid going to the hospital again. "And it's already stopped. There's no need to go there."

Andrew sighed and continued. "I think it would be best if you at least saw a therapist after what you've been through."

"And how exactly is that going to help me?" I asked but didn't wait for his answer since I was feeling irritated. "What would I tell that therapist of yours, ha? That I tried to kill myself because my own mother failed to do that 18 years ago? Or the fact that I'm gay and that just makes everything even more complicated than it already is. You know damn well that I can't be honest with anyone in this homophobic town. Could you please stop acting like you know what's best for me? I just want to be left alone. Please, I'm just so sick and tired of everything. I wish there was a way that one conversation would solve my every problem but that's just not possible."