Melancholic (BxB)

Chapter 65

"You can let go now. I'm feeling better..." I blurted out while I was being almost suffocated in Andrew's arms.

"I don't want to..." He said under his breath with a low voice and tightened his grip. It became even harder for me to inhale oxygen but I strangely didn't feel uncomfortable. Though my body temperature was going high and if I stayed like this for much longer I would definitely start sweating, it was somehow uplifting. I felt like I was finally safe and being with Andrew somehow made me immune to all the negative emotions I experienced up until that point.

"But I have to tell you something..." I mumbled and tried to sound as serious as I could so Andrew would realize I had to talk to him about an important matter.

"Can't we just stay like this for a bit? Just give me a few more seconds... We can talk later." He added warmly before loosening his grip so I wouldn't actually asphyxiate.

I didn't resist because I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was probably also in pain. If I considered the way he acted in the past he seemed like someone who would take full responsibility upon himself. He didn't even let me go to the police when we were chasing Kristen Grey back in the day so him believing that all of this was somehow his fault wasn't completely out of the question.

I had to fix this. I had to fix our relationship and I needed to make sure he understood that what happened to me wasn't his fault.

I gave Andrew a few more seconds and once his heartbeat returned to normal I disconnected my body from him and looked at the bags under his eyes which made me even more disturbed.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked while I was organizing my thoughts.

"Uh... Nothing. It's just..." I said before pausing for a moment to take a deep breath. "Do you know that feeling when you give your everything to someone but they just don't get you? They want you to be somebody else but you can't become that person no matter how hard you try. Despite that they still don't care about your emotions." I was too deep into my mind to even concentrate on my own words but then it suddenly hit me. "Oh... I'm such an idiot... I thought I was talking about my father but now I realize that's also what I did to you..." I sighed and gathered up all the strength left in my system. "I'm sorry, Andrew... I truthfully want to apologize for the way I treated you. I can't give you an excuse. I was so preoccupied with my own problems that I didn't even care about your feelings."

"You don't have to apologize for that..." Andrew offered me a gloomy smile. "After all the lies and secrets I hid from you I wasn't expecting to earn your forgiveness easily. You can hate me if that's what your heart truly desires but don't ask me to leave you alone again. It's okay if you don't like me back but at least let me help you. And don't feel bad about what happened the other day at the football game. It's not your fault that you're feeling down so don't say sorry. I'll do everything in my power to make sure we have a happy life together; I promise you that."

"Thank you for caring about me so much that you'd go to such lengths just for me. Sometimes I'm not even sure I deserve it to be honest but I'll also do everything in my power to make this work." I stated. "In the past I was afraid that if I let you too close to me one day you would hurt me. I didn't want to mess up our relationship but I got scared that I was incapable of having a healthy dating life because of my parents. Watching them for all those years and seeing how they fought every day was so heartbreaking. I didn't want us to end up like them. I thought I was doing the right thing by pushing you away. I was waiting for the right timing when everything would be perfect but now I realize that may never happen. I don't want to lose you because I sincerely care about you. I wish to be with you but I'm worried and overwhelmed because of my feelings."