Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

Captor!!!!

Karkat's POV

~Flashback Over!~

So...I ended up staying in Strider's hive. It sucks a lot because it's filled with WEIRD "PUPPET" ASS. Strider's lusus has a very weird obsession. I need to get home! Gamzee and his sopor slime? I can handle that shit! But 2 weeks on Earth!?! Fuck! To make things worse, Strider won't let me use his computer to contact Sollux!

I groaned loudly and banged my head on the wall of Strider's living room. "Woah, Karkat. Calm down. You look like a depressed-" "SHUT THE FUCK UP, STRIDER!" I said, cutting him off. I just want to go home! And Strider will have no choice but to help me!... Wait...am I asking for help from my- "Earth to Karkat!" Strider snapped me out of my 'Land of Thoughts'. "Strider, you have no choice but to help me get back to my home. Whether you like it or-" "What if I don't like it?" I think that's what he said, I heard him say something. "Excuse me?" I didn't hear him properly. "I said what can I do to help you, deaf dumbass." He said in an awkward tone. That's it. I'm FUCKING PISSED. I walked up to him and grabbed his collar and hissed at him. "Strider, if you won't be a FUCKING good friend, I will kick your ass and your bulge. I fucking mean it! Now where is your fucking computer?!" I yelled at him. I was expecting a smirk from him cause...he's Strider. HE IS THE FUCKING SMIRKING CREEP.

But... he frowned. What the hell? Why the hell did he frown? Is he scared? WELL THAT IS WHAT HE FUCKING GETS! Finally he spoke up " Friend?". "What? Focus Strider! Where the fuck is the computer?!" I replied. I tightened my grip on his collar. "Follow me, shortie." WHAT THE HELL DID HE SAY!?!

Strider led me to his bedroom and pointed to his computer. I was about to sit down on his magical spinning chair until he blocked my way. "What is it now?" I growled. He crossed his arms and said "I had reasons on why I didn't want you to use MY computer. First, I have private stuff there. Second, you might crash it. And third....there is no third." Those are stupid reasons. I pushed him out of the way and sat down on his special chair. "First, I won't look at your privates because I don't want to see pictures of 'puppet' ass on my face. Second, I don't crash computers. Third, when I chat with Sollux, don't snoop." I said firmly. Strider just shrugged and walked out of his room. FINALLY! FUCKING FINALLY! Time for Trollian!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: SOLLUX.
CG: GOGDAMMIT, ANSWER ME.
TA: KK! you're aliive!
CG: CUT THE CRAP. YOUR FUCKING TELEPORTER WORKED. GET ME OUT OF EARTH.
TA: well...ii can't.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK. DID I NOT MENTION I WAS HERE FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS?!
TA: ii know! iit's ju2t that you have two be the one to teleport back here!
CG: WELL... 'II CAN'T'.
TA: what happened two the cube ii gave you?
CG: WHEN I TELEPORTED HERE, I CRUSHED IT.
TA: 2hiit! no wonder ii couldn't fiind you on my radar!
CG: SMART THINKING, DUMBASS.
TA: you called me 2mart and dumb at the 2ame tiime. that make2 2o much 2en2e.
CG: FOCUS CAPTOR! HOW DO I GET HOME?!
TA: you already are home.
CG: WHAT?
TA: don't miind that. ju2t fiind a way two fiix the cube.
CG: HOW?
TA: your problem.
CG: FUCK YOU CAPTOR.
TA: you're welcome.
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Gah. I hate you Sollux. Okay. I just need to-

*BOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Shit! I just crashed Strider's computer! Wait...there is something written on the screen...

"you're gonna thank me later,KK. tru2t me"

CAAAAAAAAAPTOOOOOOOOOOR!

I quickly grabbed a blanket from Strider's 'bed' and covered his computer. Shit shit shit shit. I'm freaking out right now! Why am I freaking out?!? He deserves a broken computer! Right?! Why does he deserve this?

Oh man oh man oh man. I'm gonna-

"Karkat"

Shit

"H-hey Strider."

"Why is my blanket on my computer?"

"It's cold..." I patted the computer but when I did, the computer sparked.
"Your computer is cold, Strider! Get out of here!" I threw a 'pillow' at Strider's direction and he dodged it. He then walked up to me.

"Karkat, what happened to my computer?"

"I-" before I could finish my sentence, Strider removed the blanket and just stared at the smoking computer.

"Hmm... It's crashed." Strider said. He had no expression on his face. Oh shit... He then looked at me. I was expecting a frown but HE FUCKING SMIRKS!! WHY ARE MY EXPECTATIONS ALWAYS WRONG!?!?

"So...this is the thanks I get for helping you with your headache two weeks ago? For letting you stay in my house? For letting you use my computer? For fal- nothing. Anyway, is this my thanks from you?" He said, walking closer to me. Oh my god. I walked backwards then fell on his bed. I sat up quickly and when I did, STRIDER'S FACE WAS LIKE 4 INCHES NEAR MINE! "I'm waiting for an answer Karkat." I gulped and sat up straight, he is still smirking... "No. You don't deserve this." WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? "You deserve a proper thank you and an apology from me. Strider, thank you for helping me when I had no place to stay here on earth. Thank you for letting me use your computer. I apologize for crashing it." Fuck...I swear if I had stuttered I would kill everyone on earth. And Sollux. I will include him on my 'Kill List'.

Karkat's Kill List:
1. Sollux Captor
2. Eridan Ampora
3. Eridan Ampora
4. Eridan Ampora
5. Eridan Ampora

"Alright I forgive you. But you're forgetting something." He said, still has his face 4 inches near mine AND HE IS STILL SMIRKING. "What the hell am I forgetting?" I said. "You forgot about thanking me for curing your headache." Strider...what the fuck...okay...let me get this straight. "WHY THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO THANK YOU IF I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO HEAL THE HEADACHE. WHAT IF IT WASN'T YOU???" I snapped. I swear, I can see a small blush on Strider's face. The problem is...I CANT SEE IT PROPERLY BECAUSE OF HIS DAMN SHADES. He then sat down on his bed next to me. He also said "Whatever. Aren't you supposed to do something right now?" What? OH MY GOG! HE's RIGHT! "Shit! I gotta go!" I grabbed a small bag filled with the crushed pieces of the cube and ran out of his hive. Shit.

Fuck you Captor.