Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

Fake Shoes

Dave's POV

"Lil' man, wake up!"

I woke up to the sound of my brother's voice. "Wait what?" I looked at my surroundings and noticed that we weren't at Wal-mart. But in an attic, Bro and I were sitting on chairs and our hands are tied behind the chairs.

"We got kidnapped didn't we.." I sighed. "Well no shit. We're in her house." Came Bro's reply. "No shit."

"We gotta inform Karkat. I bet he's worried sick about me." I said. Bro scoffed, "I bet he's freaking out-" "We gotta inform him. Shit. I forgot my phone." I cut him off.

I started jumping around with the chair under my butt.

I stopped and sighed. "Yeah, it's at home." Bro smirked, "Be glad I have mine." I looked at him and nodded. "What're ya waiting for? Call my phone."

Bro shook his head. "Can't." I raised my eyebrow. "She got your phone didn't she?" Bro scoffed again, "She's too stupid, I have my phone with me. It's just in the back pocket of my jeans. So you gotta..."

I sighed. I hopped my way behind Bro and positioned my hands to his pockets. "Ok, now get my phone in the pocke- I SAID IN THE POCKET."

After a few minutes of accidentally grabbing Bro's ass, I got his phone.

"K, now what?" I asked. "Drop it on the floor." I turned my head to Bro, "What, no. Bro. This is an iPhone 6.-" "Drop. It. On. The. Fucking. Floor, young man."

I dropped the phone on the floor, with its screen facing the ceiling. Bro and I hopped around so we could surround the phone.

"K now dude, remove your shoes so you could use your toes to type." Bro said to me. I shook my head. "Do I have to do everything? It's your turn to do something."

"Your toes are smaller." Bro said. "I spent 10 minutes grabbing your ass, at least you could be the one to remove your shoes.." I said.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because my shoes are real and yours are fake."

"What the fuck did you just say?" I asked, rage building up inside me. "Oops.." Bro mumbled. If my hands were free, I would strangle him now. "You bought me fake shoes for my birthday?!" Rage erupting.

"I bought you fake RED shoes."

"That's not helping! Bro, I love these shoes! I thought they were awesome and special but they were FAKE!" I yelled. I'm starting to think that Bro is the only person who can make me lose my cool.

"They were cheap.." Bro mumbled. He looked at me and said "Just remove the damn shoes."

I grumble some curses and removed my shoes, revealing my awesome red socks. I hopped closer to Bro's phone and struggle to open it. Once it was open, I looked at Bro, signaling him to say the pass code.

"1203." He said.

I typed the pass code with my toe and went to the contacts. "Bro, I can't find my name."

"That's because your contact name there is "Lil Shit"." I glared at him and scrolled down to the "L" contact names.

Found it.

I tapped on the name and went to messages.

'Hrelp'

"Dammit." I cursed. "C'mon, you can do better than that." Bro commented. "Type there "we are down the street". I've been here before, I didn't know she had an attic.."

"Okay, what does the house look like?" I asked. "The house is purple." I nodded.

'Doewn yythe srteet'

"Really? "Doewn"?" Bro said. "I'm typing with my toes here!"

'Purple hoiuswe'

"You did a good job on the word purple. Wish you could do the same with the word house."

"Shut up and let me type in peace."

'Kiddnapedd'

Before I could type anything else, I heard a woman yell "I'M BACK, BOYS!!"

"Shit, it's Miranda." Bro whispered.

I quickly typed '-Dave and Bro', the door of the attic opened so I slid the phone to some boxes at a dark corner. I heard a beep so that means it got sent. The boxes fell on the phone, covering it. Looks like Bro's iPhone 6 is gonna have some scratches. Some.

"Oh! The other one is awake!" Miranda yelled. She walked in and she seems to be carrying a plastic bag. "I was just shopping for some things" She smiled.

Bro and I said nothing. We just glared at her.

Miranda dropped the plastic bag and sat in between us. "Ok. I think you both already know about the fact that I kidnaped you two. And since Bro here," she gestured towards Bro. "won't date me, I'm keeping him as my own."

Bro frowned and tried to kick her but Miranda moves away where Bro couldn't reach her.

"If you're keeping me, why the hell did you also kidnap my brother." Bro demanded. "Oh, so he's your brother." She replied. She looked at me and smiled, "He's cute." "Yeah, and gay." Bro said.

Miranda growled and stood up. "You're gay too huh? UGH!! WHY DO GAYS EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE?!? If you weren't gay, you would have still be mine.."

"What's so bad about being gay?" I asked, trying to keep my Strider cool. "What did they even do to you? Oh my fucking god just accept the fact that he's gay and both of you can never get together.."

Miranda stared at me for a few seconds and spoke "Why are you guys wearing shades indoors?"

Bro sighed, "It's for being cool and besides, it's none of your fucking business." Miranda stared at the two of us for a while and walked up to Bro, grabbing his shades and revealing his orange eyes. "Hey!"

"Ooh, so you have orange eyes."

Bro, for some reason, doesn't care if anyone sees his eye color. He glared at Miranda and- OH SHIT. She's walking to me!

"Hey! Get back here!" I hopped away from her, the chair hitting my ass continuously. "Nope nope nope" I thought.

Miranda grabbed my chair and stopped me from hopping. She grabbed my shades and I closed my eyes. "Ugh, stubborn brat." She said.

"HEY!" I heard my Bro called, "DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL MY BROTHER A BRAT, YOU BITCH!!"

I heard Miranda sigh and felt her presence disappear. I then heard a door close and Bro speak. "She's gone, dude."

I slowly opened my eyes and smiled at my Bro, "Thanks, man. Thanks a lot."

Bro smiled back, "Well, that's rare."

I chuckled a bit and sighed of relief. "I hope Karkat is okay.."

There was silence between us. Until Bro broke it.

"I can smell your socks."