Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

The 2nd Hour

Dave's POV

Goddammit Bro! That fanfic was so awkward! I know I love Karkat but..what kind of brother makes a story about their homosexual lil brother?!?

I covered my face with my left hand and I used my right hand to slap the monitor with a purple smuppet as hard as I can. I'm just so fucking embarrassed!

"Strider, the computer is smoking."

"What?" I looked at the computer and HOLY CRAP! IT'S SMOKING!

I pulled Karkat away from the chair he was sitting on and unplugged the computer. I grabbed Bro's blanket and covered the computer.

"This fucking happened before, right?" Asked Karkat. I nodded to him and sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry for scarring you're life. Bro is just a maniac." I said.

"I..don't mind."

"You what?"

"I don't mind it..I actually like it."

I looked at him curiously, tilting my head. Is he confessing to me in a awkward way? Oh my god. He's confessing to me?!?!

I walked to him and pinned him on the wall. I smirked and held his chin using my index finger and my thumb.

"So, you like the story with me and you together?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"Then, you like me?"

No response. Heh, this is gonna be fun.

"Should I take that as a yes?" I leaned closer to his face. Karkat gulped and nodded slowly. I chuckled and showed him a smile, not a smirk, a real smile.

Karkat smiled back at me and we leaned closer..closer.. Karkat closed his eyes and he sniffed the air. He sniffed the air?

"Strider, the stupid computer is on fire!"

I turned around and saw the the computer and Bro's blanket burning. Shit! I didn't cover it properly!

Karkat and I looked at each other and yelled.

"HOLY FUCKING CRAP!"

Bro'a POV

Miranda and I were sitting in a booth at the restaurant. We already ordered our food. Aw crap, I forgot to cook food for Dave and his boyfriend. Meh, they'll live.

"Bro? Bro, are you listening?" Miranda said, snapping her fingers.

"Yeah, continue." I said, waving my hand. To be honest, I think I am gay. I mean, I read yaoi mangas. I even have a gay brother. Yeah, I'm gay. But..who do I love? Well, I have my eyes on-

"Love me?" I shook my head and looked at Miranda. "I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked.

Miranda sighed and said "I said 'do you love me'? It looks like you don't have any interest in me anymore. You keep on looking at men's ass!"

I mentally slapped mysel- wait..no.. I reversed the slap and looked at Miranda straight in the eye. I stood up and she did as well.

I cleared my throat and started talking "Miranda, I'm sorry but I don't like you. We should start seeing other people now. I have finally realized what I truly am. I AM GAY AND I AM PROUD!" I yelled.

People started staring at us but I didn't care. Miranda just looked at me with her jaw dropped. "Besides, you don't like puppets."

I got my jacket and left her in the restaurant. I walked to the direction of my apartment and heard panting. I turned around and saw Miranda running barefoot, holding her black heels with her right hand.

"Bro! Y-you don't love m-me?" She stuttered. It looked like she was about to cry.

I sighed and said "I'm sorry, but I'm gay."

"Then...you'll..not be with me anymore?"

I nodded slowly. "I should go now, I didn't cook shit for my brother." I turned and started to walk until Miranda grabbed my wrist. She started laughing weirdly and tightening her grip.

"No no, Bro. You're all I've got. You're not allowed to leave me. I love you and you should love me back. If you will leave me..bad things will happen." She said, cackling.

Holy shit, I dated a psycho. I cleared my throat and said "Uh..you're turning into a yandere(a psycho who would kill for love), Miranda."

Miranda continued laughing, her left hand holding my wrist, she dropped her heels and played with her brown hair using her right hand. "Oh Bro! I was born a yandere!" She smiled creepily at me.

I escaped from her grip and did my fighting stance. She continued laughing. She picked up her heels and threw them at me like throwing knives. I dodged them and quickly ran behind a tree. I was fast enough for her not to see me. I peeked and saw her cackling again, wearing her heels.

"Where are you????????" She said, spinning around. "I'll find you Bro!! Maybe not today! Maybe tomorrow! Or maybe the next day! Or the next next day! Or the next next next day!" And she kept on going on and on.

She skipped..how the fuck can she skip with heels on? I tried that but fai- I mean..she skipped to the opposite direction. I hope that's the way to her house. She fucking better leave me alone.

I went back to the sidewalk and ran to my apartment. I should've punched her and knocked her out but..she's a woman. Stupid brain. I arrived at my apartment and saw firefighters, people screaming, and a

HUGE

ASS

FIRE

I looked up and saw Dave's and his troll boyfriend's heads out the window. His troll was shouting at the firefighters "If you fuckers don't bring a ladder up here, you're gonna fucking regret it!"

Dave saw me and pointed at me, swearing like a mad man. He yelled like over 9000 curses at me. He's like a human version of the troll he's with.

Shit, I'm a bad parent.