Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

Cosplay?

Dave's POV

This sucks ass. And I mean smuppet ass. School starts TOMORROW. And I believe Striders like me, don't deserve to go to school. Too ironic for school.

Wanna hear more of my problems? Sure, why not. I would like to introduce you to the Ironic Problem List.

Ironic Problem List:
1. I have a fucked up computer.
2. School is tomorrow.
3. Where the fuck Karkat should be when I'm at hell? (school)
4. Karkat keeps ranting about carpenters. What the fuck.
5. Bro keeps on telling my secrets to Lil Cal.

I need ways on how to fucking fix my Ironic Problems! Life is just making things worse. Or maybe it's making things better cause KARKAT IS HERE!! Fuck yeah!

"IS IT WRONG TO HAVE HORNS!?!"

...Karkat?...

I stood up from the toilet, I wasn't really taking a crap, I was just sitting on the toilet and I still had my pants on, don't worry. I ran outside of the bathroom and I ran to the living room. I saw Karkat screaming at the...mailman.

Karkat's POV

I was just lying down on Strider's couch and then I heard a knock from Strider's door. I stood up and opened Strider's door to see who it is.

"Good morning, I have mail for Dav- whoa..." The human in front of me said.

"What."

"Y'know, I have come across A LOT of cosplayers. They where all pretty embarrassed when they opened they're doors...Surprised you aren't."

"What the hell is a cosplayer?"

"What the hell is with those horns?"

"IS IT WRONG TO HAVE HORNS!?!"

"Karkat!" Shit. It's Strider.

"Oh! Mr. Dave Strider! Here is your mail! My, you are charming as always!"

"Thank you, don't call me Mister, now go away." Strider said, shutting the door quickly. I looked at him awkwardly and I was waiting for an explanation. "I sometimes wonder if he's a homosexual or not." Strider face palmed while he said that.

I shrugged and went back to the couch. I pointed to his mail. "What's that." "Um. Some shitty letters from school for extra informations...stuff"

"What the hell is a school?"

"Shit."

~One explanation later~

Well, that's stupid. So I have to stay at Strider's hive alone for every 5 days for 9 months!?!

That sucks cause the only reason why I liked being here was because Strider, the younger one because the older one is creepy as fuck, is here!! Augh!!

...

I'M....what the fuck is that word...HOMOSEXUAL.

...just kidding...I think.

Dave's POV

Okay. How do I do this shit?! I can't leave my sweet little pumpkin alone! He's going to get bored! As a Strider, I CANNOT let my sweetie be bored.

Oh my god... I have the best plan on Earth...

"Hey Karkat..."

"What. I told you, I'm not staying here ALONE."

"I know."

"So...what're you gonna do about it? Can you fix it? Please tell me you can fix this?"

Wow, he sure hates to be alone.

Karkat's POV

I don't want him to fucking leave me!

I don't want to be alone and BORED again! And-

"Karkat! I have a plan."

"Just fucking tell me!"

Dave's POV

I ran to my Bro and explained my plan to him. We went downstairs and smirked at Karkat, who was still sitting on the couch. Bro walked up to him and held his shoulder.

He then told Karkat...

"Let me tell you about Cosplay."