Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

It's The Puppet!!!

Karkat's POV

I HATE HUMANS. They don't know how badly you want to go home! Stupid...carpenter? YEAH! STUPID FUCKING CARPENTER!

I was just running to a shop where they fix shit and when I went in, this 'carpenter' turned my cube into A FUCKING USELESS BOX WITHOUT THE BUTTON. WHERE THE HELL DID HE PUT THE BUTTON? NO ONE KNOWS BUT HIM.

I'm in a really bad mood. Holding a bag with a metal box. THAT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The stupid carpenter made a stupid excuse, something like "I can only deal with wood." Or maybe "I thought you wanted your box!?" Fuck you.

It was really awkward ranting because I'm in an 'elavator'? I think that's the name. The door opens and I walk out, looking for Strider's door. I finally found it and I was about to knock, Strider didn't give me a key, fuck him. My fist was about to bang the door until...

"OH SWEET MOTHER OR IRONY!!!"

Oh, here are the keys. Under the fucking rug.

Dave's POV

I fell in love with a straight! I'm either depressed or mental. Goddammit Dave! Snap out of your stupid Wonderland! I stood up from my bed and went to grab my blanket from my computer. It smells like smoke and it's burnt. There's no way I'm sleeping without a blanket! So I went to the laundry room and threw my blanket in the washing machine.

I went back to my room and then stopped..

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF IRONY!!!"

SHIIIT!!! Lil Cal is on my fucking bed!! HOW THE FUCK DID HE EVEN GET HERE!?! I quickly got my katana and pointed it at him.

"Heh. Bro! If you're here, you could've just knock on the door like a normal person! Or maybe NOT LEAVE YOUR FUCKING WIFE ON MY BED!"

"Strider."

"HOLYSHITTHEPUPPETTALKED"

"Strider! Fuckass, it's me!"

Oh, it's just the adorable troll. Shit! Act natural! I suddenly threw the katana on my bed and leaned on the entrance of my room.

"Oh. Hey Karkat. What's up?"

"What the fuck is that?" He pointed to Lil Cal. I decided not to tell him because I do NOT want to traumatize the love of my life.

"That is my badass katana."

"The other one, dumbass."

"A pillow."

"Strider, if you won't answer me properly, I will fucking shove this in your ass." Karkat got something from his bag. It looked like a metal box.

"You're going to shove a box in my ass?" Must avoid him from knowing about the puppet.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THE CREEPY OBJECT NEXT TO THE PIECE OF SHIT YOU CALL SWORD?"

That's it.. I give up. "That is a puppet. But not just any puppet, not like the ones you see here. His name's Lil Cal and he is the puppet version of the devil." He just stared at me weirdly. What? I'm just being honest. I told him the truth.

Karkat's POV

What.The.Fuck. He's lying isn't he. It's just one of those stupid puppets in his house. But waaay creepier. I shrugged and went to his closet and threw the bag there.

"Strider, I placed my bag in your close-" I stopped because I saw his face was filled with fear. FINALLY! I WAS WAITING FOR AN EXPRESSION FROM HIM BESIDES A FUCKING SMIRK OR A FROWN. But why the fu-

"He-He-He's g-g-gone..." Wow. The Strider stuttered.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"GAAAH!"

Holy fucking shit! Strider is being pulled under his bed by the fucking 'Puppet Devil'!!!

"Strider!" I ran to him and grabbed his arms. I tried pulling him out of the puppet's hands but it seems like THE FUCKING LIFELESS PUPPET IS STRONGER.

"GOGDAMMIT PUPPET! IF YOU DON'T FUCKING LET GO OF HIM, I'LL TEAR YOUR SOUL APART."

"Karkat! Pull harder, you weakling!"

WHAT THE FUCK!?! I CAN'T STOP BLUSHING!!

"STOP FLIRTING AND START STRUGGLING, FUCKASS"

"I WASN'T FLIRTING! I WAS TELLING YOU TO BE STRO-"

"THAT'S NOT FUCKING WORKING!"

Ugh. Don't laugh! I pulled harder and the puppet let go of Strider's legs and...disappeared?

Dave's POV

Cal's gone...nope. No he isn't.

"Hahaha! Oh my god! Hahaha!!"

"BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I found Bro laughing idiotically, leaning on my door. He was carrying Cal on his shoulder.I stood up and held the collar of Bro. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!?!" I screamed into his ears. "It was hilarious! Your face, your scream and your friend over there. A cosplayer?"

Shit. I forgot to tell Bro about Karkat. Karkat was here for 2 weeks but Bro wasn't. He was out of town because of an Anime Convention. He didn't tell me he was going home!

So, I explained things to Bro and he seemed to not be interested. Fuck him. But in the end, he didn't even freaked out about seeing an actual troll.

Then Bro opened his mouth to speak.
"Is this the guy whom you chat with and take screenshots of your conversations? You kept blushi-"

"Bro, shut up and get out. You know too much."

He just laughed like maniac. And went out of my room. I looked at Karkat who was staring at my broken computer. I think he's reflecting or some shit.

Finally, he spoke "I should fix that, right?"

"Fuck yeah you should."