Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

B-Boyfriend?!?

A/N

Thanks for voting guys! Karkat won! Thanks again!

Dave's POV

Bro dragged me to Walmart because he believes that his ex is there. Can I just say what we're doing is stupid? Cause it is. It's not ironic. Just plain stupid.

~Flashback~

I dragged Bro into my room and closed the door. "What the fuck, man?!? You don't go asking trolls to help you with your love life!"

"Well, they're helping you!" He said, gesturing towards me. "Well, I didn't ask them!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, if they won't help me, maybe you will? C'mon, help a bro out?" He placed a hand to his heart and the other on his hip. I hesitated to answer but I eventually did. I mean, what are bros for? "Fine.." He smiled and bro fisted me.

"Okay, how can I help?" I asked. Bro took a while to respond to me, so that means he's thinking.

"Shit! I got it! You could throw eggs at her while I distract her!"

"That's cool Bro, but I don't want to waste any eggs." I crossed my arms, shaking my head.

"Okay, what plan do you have?" He asked. Bro sat on my bed and I leaned on my wall.

I shrugged. "I don't know, man." After some silence, Bro stood up and walked to me. "I have the greatest idea ever!"

I nodded and asked "What is it?"

"I'll tell you but you have to promise to not freak out and go with it."

"Okay?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"Bro, just tell me the idea."

Bro smirked and leaned to my ear and whispered the plan.

"OH FUCK NO! I SAID WE WOULDN'T DO THAT" I yelled.

"Hey! You promised not to freak out!"

I groaned loudly and facepalmed. Augh. Shit!!! Bro grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room. We barges into the living room and saw the three trolls.

I frowned and spoke. "Sorry Karkat,"

~Flashback over~

So here we are. At Walmart. We were walking inside, to the video games, because that's where Bro and his ex saw each other. And ta-da! There she is! Looking at some games.

The female turned her head to our direction and grinned- holy shit, she looks like a witch.

"Bro! I'm so happy to see you!" She yelled, walking to us. I saw Bro shiver a bit. "Hey..Miranda.." He said. When she went nearer to us, she looked at me. "Oh? Who is this?"

I gulped. Time to start our plan. I grabbed Bro's had and intertwined my fingers with his. I stood closer to him and said.

"I'm his boyfriend.."

I regret this so much. SO FUCKING MUCH.

"W-what." Miranda stuttered. It looked like she was about to cry. "Yeah, I told you I was gay.." Bro said, scratching the back of his neck.

I nodded my head quickly and nudged Bro with my elbow, signaling him that I want to go home to my Karkat. But Bro just wrapped his arm around me.

"I just came to say sorry and..shit like that..but I'm dating someone now..and we can't be together anymore." Bro said.

I just realized something, wouldn't this just make her mad and psycho? ...

"...ha..ha..HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed weirdly. She kept on laughing and we just stood there. I looked at Bro and saw him raise and eyebrow. I just stared at the woman.

When her laughter went down, she sniffed and said "Oh, Bro! You're a funny liar!" Actually, she kinda yelled it. "You expect me to believe that he's your date?!?" She gestured towards me. She then laughed again. "Haha! He looks 13-years old!"

I nudged Bro harder because I hate him and I want to go home. Bro pulled me closer and whispered. "Just wait a minute, we have to get her to believe. So she can leave me alone."

He stood up straight and cleared his throat. "Yeah but Miranda, he is my boyfriend." Miranda suddenly stopped laughing and crossed her arms. She raised an eyebrow and said. "Really? Prove it. Kiss him."

...

WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!?