Not a Homosexual (Homestuck fanfic: DaveKat)

Cheesy Bee

Karkat's POV

Sollux and Nepeta were chatting about useless tips for me and Dave. And when I say useless, I mean useless.

"You should get thuitth!" Sollux suggested. Nepeta looked at him weirdly and asked "Why do they need suits?" Sollux rolled his eyes and replied "Well duh, for their date! In a fanthy plathe where trollth and humanth eat!"

Nepeta squealed and faced me. She kept on smiling. I shook my head "No way. No fucking way."

"Well get that douche thome red rotheth. Everyone loveth red rotheth."

I stood up and held Eridan's scarf, which Sollux was wearing, and nearly choked him.

"Don't you fucking call him a douche"

"Alright alright! Watch it! Be careful with the thcarf!!" Sollux yelled. I wanted to rip the scarf but he used his psiionics on my hands. He made me let go and I crossed my arms.

I heard him chuckle and I glared at him "You uthed to call him douche, before you two were dating." I blushed at the word dating. Dating..like the ones in my romcoms?

"Ooh! Someone is turning red~" Nepeta cooed. "Red! Red ath in red ro-" "Shut the fuck up, Captor."

Sollux shrugged and said "Fine, get him brown human chocola-" he was cut of by Strider and his lusus barging into the living room.

The three of us looked at their direction. I saw Strider with a frown of sadness and anger on his face.

"Sorry Karkat, Bro is forcing me to go with him to Walmart. He wants me to help him with his stupid problem." He said, glaring at his lusus.

I nodded a yes to him and told him that it's ok. He smirked and pecked my forehead "I'll be back later, babe" I blushed when he called me babe. I turned to my left and saw Nepeta waving her arms like a mad troll, I also saw the bipolar asshole mouthing 'rotheth'. I flipped him off, mouthing a 'shut up'.

The two Striders went out the door and into the elevator. I closed the door and faced the trolls. "So..any more useless shit you want to tell me?" I asked, crossing my arms and leaning on the wall.

Nepeta tilted her head and placed her index finger on her chin. "Hmm..you want to learn how to get to the next level?"

"Goddammit Nepeta!"

Nepeta giggled at my rage and stood up. "AC is hungry, she will go to the kitchen and feast on food." She went to the kitchen and left me with Sollux.

I sat down next to Sollux and asked. "How about you? Got something cheesy to say?" He faced me and smirked. "Thing him a thong?" I shook my head. "Fuck no, I'm not giving him a thong."

Sollux facepalmed. "I thaid 'thing him a thong'!! You fucking deaf!!" He yelled at me. I wiped my cheek a bit because some of his spit went on my face.

"Are you expecting me, Karkat Vantas, to sing to Dave Strider?" I asked. He nodded and stood up. Sollux went in front of me and said. "You should thing after your date! Like when you guyth are done eating at the fanthy plathe, before you leave, you call everyone'th attention then thing!"

"Please tell me you're kidding me.." I groaned and tilted my head back.

Sollux pretended to hold a microphone then said "When you thing, it should go like 'woah oh Thtrider, Thtrider be mine!' or thomething like that!"

I groaned louder and buried my face in my arms. God, he's a horrible singer.

"Fine, I thee thinging ith not your thing." He sniffed Eridan's scarf. I gave him a look of disgust and sat up. "Please don't do that, it's fucking disgusting and disturbing at the same time." I said. Sollux stared at me for about 2 seconds. Then he raised an eyebrow "Yeah right, like you don't do that to your matethprit'th thtuff." He replied.

I felt my cheeks burn up as I remember myself sniffing Strider's cap. Sollux chuckled as he watched me blush.

Sollux sat down next to me and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked pretty handso- HOLY SHIT WHAT?!? WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?!? OH MY GOD KARKAT! FUCK, BRAIN!! I AM NOT-

"Hey! Maybe you should write a poem for him! A thweet poem! Maybe thomething like my right eye ith red, my left eye ith blue, lithten to me dick, get thome rotheth for that inthufferable prick."

"That's a horrible poem, Captor."

I stood up and head my way to the kitchen but stopped. I turned around and looked at Sollux. "And I don't have different colored eyes." I said. I faced the kitchen again and mumbled to myself "and Strider isn't a prick.."

When I entered the kitchen, I saw Nepeta eating the last packet of Doritos. "How..dare..you" I said. Nepeta looked at me and threw the packet into the trash can. "I'm sorry, did mew wanted any?" I swear my eye twitched.

You know what? Forget it. I don't care anymore. I shook my head and went to grab a glass of water. "I'm going to Pawllux now, Karkitty!" Nepeta told me. She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to join Sollux.

I took a sip of my water and thought to myself.

I wonder what's Strider doing?