Pacifier

💔Isabelle🌹

Della and Sam left late in the morning, the sunlight barely breaking through the sheet of grey cloud in the sky. Like the whole world could feel the strange sorry split in our little family. 

But she loved him, and she wanted to go, and I knew she wouldn't have it any other way. If it had been Van and I've done the same, just as stubborn, just as sure of my decision to remain by his side. 

And when they left, I watched the garden path, Van's arm snaking around me, a gently hold around my shoulders so that when I bowed my head my chin rested on his forearm. He kissed my hair, watching the road beyond the garden gate, watching the grey sky. 

"Mists comin in," he said. He meant lets go inside, he just didn't want to admit he was pulling me away from her, though Della and Sam were long gone now. 

"Think there'll be another storm?" I asked casual and unbothered as I followed him inside, let him lock up behind me as I returned to the sofa and switched the channel back to the news. It had been my routine the last couple of day, flitting between cartoons, pretending the world outside didn't exist, flitting back to the news, heart in my throat as I read the headlines and waited to see the worst. 

They'd stopped talking about Larry, it had been barely any time at all but he wasn't news anymore. The rest of the world had forgotten him, he'd been swallowed up by the relentless tide of trivial things you don't really realise don't matter until they've replaced your loved one on the daily news. Politics weren't important. Climate change didn't matter. The global economy could crumble all it wanted. Larry was gone. My brother was still MIA and I hadn't seen his best friends, my family for almost a month. 

I didn't care what was happening in America or on the continent, I didn't care about the fires in the Amazon or the Outback. I felt cold and heartless for admitting it, but such was my grief. I couldn't care about those far away thing when the axis of my own life were in such dire straits. 

It had been easier to pretend things were settled and safe with Della here. Her and Sam had made everything easier for a little while, the way they teased and laughed at each other, his cheeky laidback nature, her stubborn determination to be alright. When we'd laid down on the sofa together watching reruns of scooby doo and tom and jerry it had been easy to pretend we were just dossing around after school like the old days. 

But now she'd gone and it was just me and Van, sitting quietly together in the dim light of a dreary afternoon. He'd changed the channel when he'd seen me starring, fixating on something I couldn't fix. He'd flicked over until he found some old spaghetti western we could watch, patted his lap and told me to come sit with him for awhile. Its where I'd remained, curled up in his lap, my head resting against his chest, for the rest of the day. The sun had set but we hadn't noticed because the grey sky had been gloomy and heavy all day anyway. It was only a little darker now in the dull evening, than it had been that morning when Della and Sam left. 

Van had made a little plait in my hair, delicate work his calloused fingers weren't used to. As he began another he kissed my hair and then my cheek, losing himself for a moment as he scattered little kisses all over my face, until he drew a giggle from me, until he was grinning too. 

"You're quiet today baby girl," he said still stroking his fingers through my hair, kissing the corner of my mouth when I turned my head to look up and answer him. 

"Just thinking," I said, biting my lip, not wanting to tell him how worried I really was. Not wanting to worry him or remind him that he couldn't make me happy. 

"You're scared Izzy I can tell," he said, "don't hide from me princess," he said, "you don't gotta keep that secret, not from me..." 

I bit my lip, I knew it was true, knew I shouldn't try to hide things from him. We were all we had.