Pacifier

🍒 Isabelle🌹

I'd been nervous to show my brother the bandage on my leg, scared to show him the stitches Camille had done for me. I'd been confused when Van had asked me to, when he'd looked at me as if to tell me that he knew what he was doing. Because i wasnt sure he did, not in that moment when my brothers temper was frayed and he was eyeing Van with all the suspicion and betrayal in the world.

Like he could have throttled him.

But then he hadn't, and his voice when he had spoken to me had been soft and gentle, light hearted. He had shrugged my wound off like it was nothing at all, hadn't shouted at me for running away, hadn't tried to take me away from Van when his temper flared.

He'd just let me be, kissed my forehead and sent me back to bed.

And now, when we were all sitting in the balcony, around our table at the back, me sitting on Camilles lap quietly, I thought I might be beginning to understand what she had meant when she had told me all those weeks ago. Find the most dangerous man in the room and make sure he'd die for you.

To me that was my brother. Johnny would have died for me, but he'd never need to because he was more fierce than his enemies. But he would let me get away with murder.

In his eyes I could do no wrong and so he would always defend me, no matter what. And now that he was sitting beside us, his arm around Camille, his hand holding her into his side possessive and protective and gentle all at once, i knew that the same was true for her. Because he had told Van earlier than he knew Van was making Camille lie to him, about me, and he was still treating her with all the love and care in the world.

Still looking at her as if he was in awe of her. As if he admired her more than he admired anybody else in that room.

Van had carried me down that evening, adamant that I return to society as he had teasingly called it when he had told me that the people missed their princess. He had sat me down at that back table, and then he had announced to all the lads, Benji, Bondy, Larry and Bob, that he wouldn't hear a word about work for the rest of the night.

That once Dylan and Jake got in we were going to unwind. It had been an intense couple of days and he wanted tensions quelled, even if just for a night.

And before he coukd continue saying the things he was trying to say, he had had to stand there whilst Larry and Benji took the piss.

"What, you ? Intense?"

He'd laughed them off, told them to pack it in and then he had made some passing comment about how we had been neglecting to remember the reasons we kept fighting this war.

That amid the chaos and the plans they all got a little over excited about sometimes, they had been forgetting the ones who mattered the most to them. And when he had said that i had swallowed a lump in my throat, away from him, certain I could feel his gaze burning and intense on me.

I had looked up, dared a glance at him to find that I had been right. His eyes still resting on me, stubborn and determined as if he had known I had been avoiding his gaze. As if he had been waiting to catch me. Adamant that I would understand him fully.

And i had a feeling that I did. Understand him that is.

I had a feeling that the way he was looking at me now, he only really meant me. He had forgotten about me amid the chaos, he was blaming himself for what had happened to me.

And when he said it my brother made no shame of slipping me from Camilles lap into his. Holding onto me with a subtle strong grip. No one could have noticed just by looking at him, but i felt it. This feeling of protection, like he was never going to let me go again.