Pacifier

65🍒Van🥀

"Milly," i caught her hand across the table before she could leave me there. Sitting in despair in the study.

She turned back around, the roll of her eyes riling me further. I was on edge.

I hadn't come home last night after I'd left Meghan because I'd known there was no point.

I wouldn't have been able to get any rest had I tried to come home and go to bed.

I wouldn't have been able to sleep without Izzy by my side and I wouldn't have been able to sleep with her in my bed either.

Actually with all these problems all these complications running around my head, i wasnt sure I'd ever be able to sleep again.

"Camille Im asking for your help..." I said painting a smirk on her lips though her eyes twinkled with surprise.

Because I wanted her. More than anything else in the world, and I always had done.

Growing up my father had called me soft for stopping to scoop her up, make her laugh and smile when she had tripped over or knocked her head on the corner of a coffee table and landed in tears on the floor or in the dirt. He'd berated me for caring about anyone as a child and the older I'd grown the futher he'd tried to steer me away from the younger children. Especially Isabelle.

He'd kept me separate, as far away as he could. Always keeping my thoughts on the future. My future. A future which had petrified me more than any of our enemies ever could have.

I was 10 years old when my father had decided that I was no longer a boy but a man instead, but I hadn't been allowed near Isabelle Bond since I was 8.

My father had never warmed to children, he wasn't the caring kind. Kids got in the way until they were old enough to be ushered into the family. Boys were liabilities, an obstacle to overcome because they made their parents weak. He didn't like emotional adults. He didn't like how your children could be used against you by the enemy. And little girls were even worse.

"One or two are fine," hed say, "cause they can look after all the other little mites," but he had been a cold man through and through and even Lyra - who was adored by everyone, some cherished Bottleman princess - had been unable to win him over.

Though as I thought about what Will Hall had told me, perhaps now I could understand why.

Still despite my father's iron fist rule, his tyrinical control which never relented and never showed mercy, I had still kept my eye on Izzy.

I'd simply learned to disguise my concerns, disguise the way I minded her and kept her safe.
And I'd gotten so good at it I'd even managed to convince myself for awhile that I didn't really care.
For awhile I think Camille had been the only one who knew how i really felt. And little Izzy?

My stomach twisted nauseous to remind myself that she still didn't understand.

And I needed her to understand.

I needed her to understand how much she really meant to me.

How much her every thoughtless, mundane little motion killed me and drove me to despair.

I ground my teeth, my grip on Camilles hand a little too tight. Giving me away though Camille had known right from the start.

She'd seen through me years ago.

She'd understood before even I had gotten my head around my feelings for Bondys little sister. And she could see through me now, though there was little to see through.

This was the most honest I had been with anyone in years.

"Milly please..." I groaned wishing she would say something, break the silence, fix me up out of my misery.