Pacifier

// Isabelle \\

When I finished school Van was waiting for me at the gates, leaning up against the wall with a cigarette between his fingers. He exhaled a plume of smoke and as it cleared i recognised the man he was talking to.

He was talking to my English teacher Mr Carter and they were stood together with such lackadaisical expressions I felt a little confused. They looked like best friends.
Actually they looked like they'd known eachother years.
I lingered on the outside of their earshot for a little while longer, just watching them talk and when they shook hands they were laughing about something as Van pulled him in for a hug and clapped him on the back.

"Alright brother, I'll see you tomorrow," said Van stamping out his cigarette, eyes landing on me when he looked back up. "Take your time Izzy," he called out sarcastically, "All the time in the world," he flashed me a grin and when I picked up the pace and reached him he pulled me into his side, wrapped an arm around me watching Mr Carter walking back towards the school down the path.

"What was that..." i started, he just pinched my cheek and took my hand.

"Just another part of the strategy darlin," he said, "don't you worry about that..."

When we got home the Balcony was full of a buzz, it wasn't quiet or dead, and the noise, the warmth of a full pub hit me in a stunning wave when I opened the door.

I stood for a moment, gazing around at all the people, just sort of shocked, standing still.

It wasn't that I wasn't used to The Balcony full of life, it was that it hadn't been all week. It was that it had been all dim lights and dull upholstery for days.

"Alright Tink!" my brother seemed to stumble out of nowhere, wrapping me up in a warm embrace, my face burried in his jumper so fast I didnt have time to breath.

"Johnny!" i squeaked into his sweater, pushing at his chest, "Whys everyone..." I started to ask as he picked me up off thr floor, my legs round his waist.

"The strategy tinkabelle," he flashed me a grin, i found it strange. I couldn't help but be unnerved by their sudden confidence. Their sudden sunny dispositions. One man shot in the street and suddenly they were all happy as Larry and the Balcony was full of music and smiling drunk faces.

"What is the..."

"You don't need to worry about that Izzy," he said, arm around my shoulder guiding me through the crowded room to the back booth where they all sat.

He pulled me down into his lap as a pint and a coke float were placed down on the table in front of us and Bob and Larry both joined us around the table.

"Evenin lads," he grinned, i could feel the excitement radiating from him as I perched and swirled my straw around my drink, watching the room full of strangers, some with slightly familiar faces.

I tried to listen in on the lads conversation but they were talking about "the business," and try as I might I wound up lost and bored and in a daydream within minutes. So i leant my cheek on my fist and watched the walls, Johnnys arm still around my waist holding me steady whenever he had to shift to get comfortable or to reach for his pint.

I wondered where Van had gone because I'd not seen him since we'd walked through the front doors. I'd been passed from him to Bondy and then suddenly he'd gone and I'd been swept up in the crowd with my brother.

They were playing The Strokes, Someday, and as I tuned in and out of the conversation my lips moved around the lyrics and I felt myself relaxing into the strange party atmosphere which had returned to the Balcony. It was odd, feeling just as I had a week before. Before everything had changed.