Pacifier

🌹Isabelle🌼

"Something you need to understand about Van, Izzy..." started Camille as she lead me up the stairs to my bedroom, glancing back at me over her shoulder every once in awhile to check that I was listening, to check that I was still following her, though when she did I was always looking elsewhere, trying not to listen, trying not to think about any of the things she was trying to tell me about, "is that he's always at least five steps ahead of what he lets on to everyone else..."

Perhaps if I had been listening to her that night i would have understood what she was trying to tell me.

Perhaps if I had been listening I wouldn't have slipped into my tshirt and sat on my bed looking so forlorn. She might not have smirked and shaken her head as she sat down beside me, taken my hand and drawn a slow circle in my palm as she spoke.

"Believe me honey, Van always knows more than he lets on.." she said, but that was all, and the longer the two of us remained just sitting there the deeper into my thoughts I delved and the less I decided to believe anything any of them ever told me again.

"How did you convince him to let you come to that meeting?" she asked then, looking up at me, meeting my gaze with an impressed kind of sparkle in her eyes, "your brother was fuming about that," she split a grin, i bit back a smile too but I couldn't give her an answer because I wasn't quite sure.

"I don't know," i said slowly retracing the steps I'd taken, picking a part everything from the way I had spoken to him and the way I had looked up at him, almost begging but not quite.

"Hmm," she hummed, her smirk popping a dimple, "well it must have been something you did, B nearly died, did you see him?" she asked a giggle escaping, a giggle escaping me too.

"Yeah," i said softly, my own grin bright a little self concious as i pushed my hair from my face, "I just told him I'm not a child anymore," i shrugged trying to be nonchalant, trying to be as Camille always was. Cool.

"Well," she smirked, "he'll have to accept it soon I suppose," she sighed uncrossing her legs as she slipped from the bed to close my bedroom door.

She stood with her back pressed against it, watching me with twinkling eyes, her hands behind her back, pressed against the door for a moment.

"But you're very precious to him," she said quieter then but when she opened her mouth to speak again she was interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door and my brothers voice.

"Milly," he said through the door, his voice low and tired, "Cmon doll we need to go," he said leaning up in the doorway, eyes trailing her, glancing over at me on the bed with a tight smile.

She slipped past him, her palm pushed to his chest to nudge hin gently out of her way and though he turned his head and followed her shadow down the hallway, he didn't go anywhere for a second.

Inatead he moved, quietly, carefully. Closed my bedroom doorway behind him and came to sit down beside me.

He took my hand in his and then he tugged me gently into his lap.

"Cmere Tink," he said gently, "cmon I wanna talk to you," he let out a sigh and my stomach twisted with guilt.

"I'm sorry Johnny you shouldn't be angry at Van because I'm the one who wanted to go to that meeting, I made him let me..." i said not realising how daft that sounded until the words had left my lips and he was hugging me into him with a soft chuckle. An endeared sort of chuckle.

"No one makes Van Mccann do anything Izzy," he smirked shaking his head, "but that was sweet of you," he grinned his thumb stroking my cheek. "I'm not bothered about the meeting darlin," he yawned then, "I still think you're too young to understand any of it but..." and at that he let out a sigh and stroked my hair down my back, "if its really what you want," he said with a shrug.

"Really?" i bit my lip, looking up at him hopefully, watching him swallow a lump, wondering whether it was fear or proud.

"You're a Bond Izzy, you're gonna do these things whether I let you or not," he said with a teasing sort of smile before he kissed my cheek and set me back down. About to up and leave before I grabbed his hand, snatched him back.

"Johnny..." I started, panic in my eyes stopping him in his tracks, panic in my eyes because I knew exactly what I wanted to know, but wasn't sure how to ask. Wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

He didn't ask, but I could see from the look in his eyes, i could see that he was waiting for me to ask my question.

I bit my lip, chewed my cheek. Closed my eye and bit the bullet.

"Have you really all just given up on Della?" i asked, my voice only shaking when he sighed and his eyes flickered with a sadness.

"I told you didn't I Iz," he said, shoulders deflating, grip on my hand tight for a moment before he let me go completely.

"You need to stop worrying about her now," he said, and he said it so finally that I knew not to argue and I knew not to try and believe that it could be possible they were all lying to me.

He was telling the truth.
Larry had been telling the truth.
They'd all cut her off, stopped caring.

And now I had to do the same.
And i had to try not to fear the fact that that meant they could all do that to me too. Even Johnny. If they needed to.