Pacifier

🍒 Della 🥀

It was still dark when the car pulled into the driveway and Sam cut the engine. He let the lights go out and he opened his car door but he didn't make a move to get out. Instead he let it slam shut again and he locked it.

"We're just gan sit here for a bit reet little one," he said quietly, his voice hushed. I didn't need to ask why.

He wanted to know who was watching us, who had lead that stranger to his door, to me, in the middle of the night.

"You tired lass?" he asked after awhile but i shook my head. It wasn't true, I was shattered, but i didnt want Sam to think i was tired, that I couldn't manage. I wanted him to know I was just as much a bottleman as my brother. That one death couldn't wear me out.

"Aye sure you're not," he chuckled undoing my seat belt, pushing his chair back a little. "Cmon, up you get," he said, taking my hand, coaxing me up into his lap where he had me wrap my legs either side of his waist, "Hide your face love an you can sleep here, we're gan be here awhile," he said softer than he had before.

"I'm not sleepy," i said but as I spoke a yawn escaped me and he took matters into his own hands, pushing my head down gently, my nose burried in his neck.

"There we go littlen," he said, a yawn escaping him too, "shhh, settle down now," he hushed me, his hand staying put, cradling my head, his fingers in my hair.

I was taken back by how quickly i began to feel my eyes grow heavy, by how quickly he really had settled me.

I'd been lying about not being sleepy, i was, i was exhausted, but i had been scared too, confused. On edge.

Suddenly sitting in Sam's lap like that, being forced to nestle into his hold on me, it had forced me to calm down. I could feel myself relaxing, my whole body relaxing into his embrace.

"We'll go in soon a promise, then yas can go back to sleep like," he murmured but he sounded distracted, like he wasn't really paying attention to me. Like he was watching the road instead, watching the houses which my brother had always told me had eyes.

He was trying to work out which eyes were on us and which eyes were innocent.

But all the lights in the street were out and i could tell he was a little unnerved.

"Someone's watching us aren't they..." i said but he simply shushed me again. And so we remained, in silence, the only sound that strange hum which fills rooms it feels are too quiet.

That was all I heard now, but Sam seemed tuned in to something else.

If he was he wasn't sure who he was listening to. I could tell.

"Alreet," he sighed, unlocked the car quietly, "I'm gan carry you in Elle, just keep your face hidden for me darlin an we'll be reet," he said, his hand sliding beneath me as he stood carefully and boosted me up, my legs wrapping instinctive and tight around his waist.

Usually I'd have argued about this, it was demeaning getting carried around like a baby, but the night had exhausted me and actually I wasn't sure I was quite ready to leave the comfort of Sam's arms around me.

I wasn't sure I would be ready to leave him even once he had locked the front door behind us and dropped me at the foot of the stairs.

He shut the car door quietly and began to whisper a word of reassurance in my ear as he began walking up the drive. But i wasn't really paying attention to Sam because as we walked i felt the strangest sensation wash over me. This strange bristling paranoia, this feeling like a thousand eyes were on me but watching me from some secret place. A feeling like total loss of control which shivered me. Scared me so that my grip on Sam tightened though I hated myself for letting him feel it.