Wild Hearts ✮ James Potter

Chapter 32.

TW: Mentions of Self-Harm.

If there was one thing that Sirius Black would never admit, it would be that he was in the wrong.

However, in this situation if it meant that he would get his family back. He would admit it, a thousand times.

But even that would not help him now. For he had well and truly severed the ties he held with the Marauders.

Sirius cried himself to sleep every night. He had to lay on his back otherwise his arms would sting from the weight of being on his side. He barely ate and when he did it caused him to feel nauseous. It was miserable. He had never in his life felt more alone. He honestly thought that this was it. This was what it would be like forever. He truly could not see beyond the black cloud that fogged his vision.

He was so blinded by the unshakable grief that he never saw the sympathetic glances being thrown his way by Mia. He never saw the sad stares that James shot him at night. And he couldn't even imagine the devastated faces that Remus would flash him.

Because no matter what Sirius Black did. The Marauders would never stop caring for him.

But Sirius didn't know that.

"Look, someone has to talk to him." Mia said to Remus, James and Peter as they sat at the table in the Great hall.

She thought it was crucial to bring it up now due to the holidays only being a couple of weeks away. Of course she was absolutely terrified but having something else to focus on actually helped her a little bit. She was just heartbroken that the thing distracting her from her own pain, was her brothers pain.

She knew exactly what Sirius was thinking. She knew that he was probably trying to plan where he would stay in different pub rooms around London. She knew he was probably already figuring out how to pay for the Knightbus. Because she knew that he was expecting the Potters to kick him out.

Trust issues were a built in character trait for any child of a Black.

And Sirius Black had trusted the Potters with his life. So now that he and James were no more, he believed that he and the Potter family would be no more as well.

"It's not going to be me." James said glumly.

"I still need a bit more time to cool off." Mia shot James an understanding look. She felt for James, she really did. After all, his best friend had betrayed him.

"I don't really think it's my place." Peter said in a bit of a squeaky voice.

Mia looked at him with disdain, Peter had been acting awfully odd lately. He disappeared on a regular basis and they would only see him in the common room prior to going to bed. He was slowly distancing himself and she didn't know why.

"He's my brother. If I talk to him then he'll think I'm just pitying him." She said. They all nodded their heads. Their was only one person left.

Remus Lupin.

"No. Nada. Absolutely not. Now way. Zero chance." He rambled quickly as he looked up from his toast to see the expectant stares they were all casting him.

Alice, Lily and Marlene were sat next to them and occasionally added in to the conversation, Sirius was a good friend of theirs too after all.

"Come on Rem. We've all seen the way you two look at each other." Lily said with a gentle smile. All three of the girls knew of Remus's lycanthropy. And he couldn't be more thankful. They had never shown even a hint of disapproval knowing that he was not a monster and more a natural creature. And it felt good to have some more input on the current situation.

As Lily said those words, she did not know quite how much truth ran through them.

Because the way Remus Lupin looked at Sirius Black, was exactly the reason for his pain.

It was because of the pure love they held in their hearts for each other. That they were now drowning in the lake of agony that can only be known to those who love.

His heart was tugging in his chest like it was trying to tell him to listen to Lily.

"If I talk to him. Then you lot have to promise to forgive him if I do." He put the ultimatum out there. They all nodded their heads vigorously. In truth they all wanted to just go back to the ways things were.

But not one of them knew the extent of damage that had been carved into Sirius Black's heart.

Later that day, Mia and James were snuggled on the common room sofa. Legs intertwined as they slept in each other's embrace. Peter was asleep on the floor leaning against the table. And Lily, Alice and Marlene were all squashed on the opposite couch watching intently the couple who were sound asleep whilst whispering amongst themselves. They had all tried to stay up and wait for Remus's return after he had attempted reconciliation with Sirius. But it had been not even 5 minutes after his departure and half of the group had already fallen into a slumber.

Meanwhile, Remus wished he was anywhere but there as he climbed the staircase to the astronomy tower.

He quit stalking and threw open the door.

There stood Sirius Black, displaying his emotions with shamelessness. He did not attempt to hide the bags under his eyes. He did not try to conceal the tears that welled up in his eyes. Nor did he even want to cover up the scabbed scars littering his arms.

The broken child was bearing all. All the sadness, all the messiness, all the complications. He had stripped himself bare of all his pride for the boy he loved.

The only way that Sirius Black knew how to show his utter infatuation with the werewolf was to give up everything.

He let go of every ounce of shame and doubt and honour. He just let himself be.

He stood before Remus Lupin as Sirius Black.
Not as a womaniser, or as a fellow marauder or as a childish prankster. But as himself. He had decided that his biggest regret would be if he let Remus go. So with everything in him, he pulled his love back.

So here he was. Stood there for Remus Lupin to judge him.

Stood for Remus Lupin to reject him.

What he did not expect was to be stood there for Remus Lupin to love him.

So as he was encased in the most loving embrace he could ever imagine. He knew. He knew he had the boy he loved.

He had his Moony back.

....right then I'm just going to cry whilst I do my physics homework. Sorry for the late update but THANK YOU SO MUCH 1k. I'm a bit dramatic yes I know but I love that people actually enjoy my writing because I love doing it! Just want to say yet again that you are not alone. I promise you, literally promise you that things do get better and the stars will shine a lil brighter soon.
Love you guys.
~M