Limpfoots Visions (A Warrior Cats Manga)

Chapter 19: Go To Sleep...

I shivered, as it was a bit hard for me to sleep, even though I felt so tired. I wish now, even though I was in fact, starting to get a little bit excited, about the fact that we were going to a new home, that I could just stare out in to the woods, like I used to at the old place.
I knew what my mother had told me, that I should not be sad about that, as she had said that where it was that we were going to live now, had I much larger glass window, that I could see through, and she had told me I could see a lot more, and it looked a lot nicer as well.
I wondered how much of that was true, at the same time as well. I felt like, me, being the clear least favorite child out of all of us, she would not have though about me, even if she did look at the window. I felt like she might have just said it, so that I did not complain, or did not want to go back, like Gift.
I also was awake because of my sister as well. It was not the fact that she was being restless, and she was moving around. Pike was typically the one that was often like that. It was more the fact that I was worried that she might get up in the middle of the night, and try to go back to our old home.
I knew that, much like the rest of us, she was not paying any attention, of the way that we had gone, and the way to get back as well. I shook my head, as I felt like I should trust my sister to not do something as dumb as that, but it certainly would not be the first time she had.
I remember the night that she had tried to run off, and leave, because she had gotten in a fight with our mother. The memory was vivid, as it was a couple of moons ago, and we were not but just near the age to become an apprentice, as I had been told that you reached that age once you came the age of 6 moons.
I shook my head, as I was not sure why I was still thinking on the clans, as I knew that they did not exist any more, and they never would again. I closed my eyes in a bit of pain, as it all was coming up on me, so fast, and I was not quite sure how to handle all of it.
I gave up, on all of it, as I felt like, if my sister did in fact, decide that she was going to run off, and leave. I should not be worried about it. My sister had always been a mean kit to me, and Pike always had to step up for me, because I was not big, nor was I nearly as strong as either of them.
I felt like, perhaps, it would be better for her to just go, as I felt like if I woke up, and I caught her doing it, I would not stop her. I knew there was no way she would get back, and I was not even sure if Nut would even let her back in by the looks of how things had gone down that night.
Maybe she was going to get what she deserved all along. I felt a bit sick for thinking that way, as I thought back on that night that she had ran off, once again. I squinted my eyes, as they were closed, as it hurt quite a bit, as the scene played out in my head.

I looked around, as I saw my brother on the other side of the room from me. I stared at him for a few moments, as he was a fair bit lower to the ground than I, as I typically liked to sleep on top of the tall cat tower most nights. This was not a normal night though, and I could see the same worried look on my brothers face, that was on mine.
We had woken up in the night, and I had heard my mother freak out. It woke both me and Kettle up, as we looked around, a bit confused as to why our mother had made such a loud screech such as that. It did not take long for my brother to realize all that was going on, as he was the one that typically slept beside my sister.
I looked at both Nifty, and my brother, Pike, as I was a bit lost as to what was going on, and why everyone was freaking out. As I spent a few moments looking around the room, I then began to realize what it was. It did not take long for me to remember that my mother and Gift had gotten in to a real big fight before we had gone to sleep.
Mean words were spouted from the both of them. I was grateful that it was not my sister that was attacking me, like she usually did. I also felt a bit bad for my sister as well, as it kind of hurt me, as to what it was that my mother had said to her, that it felt like she was more coming at me.
I blinked a few times, as I shivered at the thought on all of it, as I thought back on the exact words that my mother had said to Gift. It had hit me very deep in to my soul, and it made me feel like I wanted to join my sister on what it was that she had threatened to do.
I shook my head though, as I knew that I would never do some thing as stupid as that, but it was clear that my sister would. I closed my eyes, as the words that were said, seemed to whisper right back in to my ears, as they hurt me a lot to think on it, as I remembered what my sister had said, to get to that point.
"I wish I had never been born here, and I wish that I was out on the streets... I would do a lot better there!" She said yelling at my mother. I was a bit confused as to what it was that had gotten her to this point, as they seemed to be having a normal quiet conversation.
I knew that those typically did not mean the best for any of us though, as it was usually harsh words from our mother, that she did not want the rest of us to hear. I remembered the look on the face of my sister, as it seemed to get more and more angry, by each moment that passed along.
That was when she snapped, and it woke my brother up, who was nearly asleep at this point. He was a bit shocked, and confused as to all that was going on at the moment, and so was I. I had seen my sister get mad before, but not like this.
Not like it, to our mother none the less, as that was the biggest surprise to me. I stared at them, with a bit of a blank look on my face, as I saw that Gift stared at me, with the angriest of any looks on her face, as if she might think that I was enjoying this.
My sister always thought things like that of me though, even though she did not know that I was quite the opposite of that. I hated to hear fighting, and I really just wished that every one, could just get along, all that ever seemed to go along in our home when we were all here, was just bickering and arguing.
I lowered my head, a bit low to the ground, as I did not want to lock eyes with my sister at the moment, as I feared that it would only get her even more upset. I looked over at my brother, who I saw was a bit dazed, and a bit lost on all that was going on.
He seemed to be staring at them, which I wish that I could do, so that I could at least try to read the both of them, and try to understand the reason that they had even got to this point in the first place. I did not want to risk my sister getting angry at me though, and once again putting a lot of the blame on me as well.
I let out a bit of a soft sigh, ever so slight as to not wanting Gift to hear it, as it seemed to be dead silence for just a few moments. That did not seem to last all that long though, which did not surprise me at all, as I then listened to my mother, begin to speak right back to my sister, Gift.
"Well... I wish that you and your sister Limp could switch bodies... Both of you are disappointments, one of you can't walk, and the other one is a little cry baby..." She said to my sister. I lifted my head up right away, as I then stared at my sister this time.
My sister was looking away from me though, as she had her head down low to the ground, as she was no longer hurt, but she was more or less in pain right now. I then looked over at my mother, as I stared at her as well, though she had her back turned, and did not seem to notice me at all.
It did not even seem to be, that she cared a word of what she had just said. I was a bit lost as to why she had to add me in to this, as I had done nothing wrong at all. As I stared at the back side of my mother for a bit longer, I was not sure whether to be angry, or hurt by what it was that she had just said.
I stood there for a bit longer, as I was having mixed emotions, and I was not sure what it was that I should do, or how it is, that I should handle all of this. After staring for a bit more time, it seemed to be, that the hurt emotion took more control over me, rather than the anger part of me.
It was actually a bit of a surprise as well, as it was more often than not, that the anger got the best of me. This time that did not seem to be the case at all however, as I then began to hold in my breath. I dropped a few tears as well, as this was the first time that my mother had openly gone out and said that I was a failure.
I looked over at my brother Pike, as if I expected him to come over to me, and help me feel better. Pike had just woken up though, and it was clear that he was still at a bit of a loss of words, as he had no clue as to what was going on at all right now, as he had a shocked and lost look on his face still.
In the end, I made the decision that seemed to be the best suited for me, as I looked over at the window. There was not much for me to look at, as it was a bit dark out. I could see the trees, and that was all that I needed to see. It made me feel just a little bit better, as it tuned my thoughts off of all of that mess that was going on.
I knew the mess was still going on as well, as, even though there was a few moments of silence, I then heard a loud hiss come from my sister. It was not long after that, that I heard her begin to yell right back at my mother. Though I did not want to do so at all right now, I listened to what it was that she had to say to her any ways.
"If that is what you think of me, than maybe you are better off without me... Maybe I should just leave..." She said to Nifty. I blinked a few times, as I tried to not think on what it was that she had said, as I just continued to stare in to the trees that were ahead of me.
It then begin to hit me, as to what it was that Gift had said to her in the first place. I looked away from the woods, as I did not dare try to get in to those types of thoughts. I could not help it though, as it then began to hurt me more, as I thought on it little while longer.
What if I too was to run off? Just like Gift was threatening to do at the exact moment. I felt like no one would miss me at all. Some times it felt like Pike did not even want to step up for me, and help me. It felt like he just did it to get a good self image on him self.
Brokenfoot and Pintclaw were gone now... What if I was to run off in to the woods? What if I was to go and meet the clan cats? I knew that they had told me that they no longer existed, but I still felt like there might be some sort of glimmer of hope, that they could have reassembled.
I could go live with them, and I could go and learn to hunt, and help the clan cats. I had been told that it was a judgement free zone as well. That felt like a lot nicer of a place than were it was, that I lived at right now...
I turned my head, and then I looked over at my brother Pike, as I saw that he now had a bit of a sad look in his eyes, as it seemed to me, that he now understood all that was going on at the moment. It was a bit hard to see, as he had his head down low to the ground, but I knew that was a look of sadness that was on the face of his.
I then began to feel a bit sick to my own stomach, as to the fact that I had thought that my brother did not actually care about me. I knew that all of my kin cared about me, and Pike was the one that cared about me the most. It was not to just hold a good self image, as the rest of them always seemed to attack me.
Even my mother at often points as well, which you would not think a mother should treat their child. I shook my head at the same time too, as speaking of my mother, I heard her begin to speak back to Gift at the exact same time too.
"I am sorry Gift... I just can't help it... It is a lot of stress, and it hurts me a lot, that your father just left us... Just come to bed, and we can sleep through it..." She said back to Gift. I stood there for a few moments, as I then suddenly turned my head over to the both of them.
I was a bit interested in how it was that Gift was going to respond to Nifty, as she was a cat that was one that was a lot harder to forgive others than most. It was a bit strange to think of as well, as she was the kit that was the one that attacked other cats to their weakest points.
Gift seemed to have the same blank look on her face, that she had a few moments before the fact that they had gotten in to their sudden fight with one another. She did not seem to care a word that Nifty had just said to her, as I wondered if she had even heard what it was that she had said all along.
I knew that she had to have had though, as that was the reason that she had that sudden out burst in the first place. I looked at them for a little while longer, as I still was not able to so quickly forgive what it was that my mother had just said to her.
It felt like, when our mother was upset, that was when she seemed to speak out how she really felt on things. It hurt as to the fact that she had considered me to be a disappointment, when I had just barely started my life in the first place.
I looked over at my sister, as I saw that she still had that same blank look that I had seen a few moments ago. I blinked a few times, as just as soon as I did, Gift managed to finally respond with all that my mother had said to her. She too blinked a few times as well, just as I had done.
I could tell she was still a bit hurt, but she nodded to Nifty any ways, as they then began to walk further in the room, and over to their beds, to get some rest for the night. I looked at the both of them, as I still felt like they were not okay at all.
I shook it off though, as I felt like it was nothing to get too worried about at the moment, as I knew that, just like it usually was when there was a fight, that they would wake up in the morning, and forget all that had ever happened just the night before.
I turned my head over to the window, once again, as I stared back in to the woods. I thought about what it would be like, to live out there, but I shook it off, as I knew those were not good thoughts. I then finally managed to get my self to sleep, a lot faster than I would have thought as well, after that fight had ensued.