hopeless purpose (dreamnotfound)

an unheard goodbye

tw: suicide implications, brief alcohol mention

george henry davidson. george henry davidson. george henry davidson. g-e-o-r-g-e h-e-n-r-y

da-

vid-

son.

george had spent the last thirty minutes rewriting his name over and over again in order to maybe spark a bit of creativity in his brain. sitting in his bedroom all alone, at midnight with school in the morning, atop his unmade, cold sheets, staring blankly at an empty sheet of lined paper.

he'd grown tired of living. tired of all of society's bullshit. tired of the fact that he was merely 18, being told constantly "you have your whole life ahead of you", yet he didn't want to live another day of it. never wanted to have the blessing of growing old because what's the fun in that if you're alone? what's so great about living another 50 years or so adventure-less, and alone? well there wasn't any fun in it.

so on the night of november 15th, at 12:08 am, george henry davidson had enough. george henry davidson had come to terms with the fact that his life was to be a pointless one. that he was someone to be forgotten easily, except for maybe a few brightly colored suicide awareness posters plastered on the walls of his school in the weeks following his death. those same posters only to be covered up with new school dances and college career planning shortly after. the world would move on, and soon it would be like george henry davidson had never existed beyond own mind. with no friends or loving family to notice his absence, george henry davidson would disappear and be forgotten.

and so he wrote. any thought that came to his drunken mind in his last hour on this earth, he scrawled out in messy handwriting across those thin blue lines. there were no tears or dramatic emotions, just emptiness and acceptance that even in death, george had nothing to add to the world. he had nothing to say other than his hard-to-follow ramblings.

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"what does one write in a suicide letter? i think you're supposed to go on in self hatred about why you deserve your fate, how big of an asshole you were, or how everyone wronged you, but you'll gush about missing your loved ones- that there was nothing they could've done and it wasn't their faults. yeah, well i won't be doing that. to be honest? there is no long list of reasons as to why i'm the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth, or some long list of well thought out and painful goodbyes. i've never fallen in love or been loved by any. never experienced some tragic heartbreak that has led me to feel this way. i've got nobody to bid farewell to. it's almost funny ,really, when you think about it. that even in death i'll be alone. i guess that's almost fitting though.

i'm a nobody. nothing but a bag of lungs and bones that's sucking up our earth's depleting air supply. so i suppose this is a goodbye to myself and my own subpar, short-lived existence. i'm gonna go take a walk one last time to ensure that the earth gets one last laugh at me. who knows? maybe i'll stumble upon a bit of self worth or will to live along the sidewalk! maybe, if im really lucky, i'll even gaze upon a pretty face to engrave into my mind so that i'll be able to haunt the fuck out of them once im gone. i've been told my little gay ass has a 'special place in hell' and maybe that will earn me haunting privileges. after all, misery loves company and i wouldn't mind having some of that. perhaps we'll leave a tiny mark on each other's lives just before i'm gone.

anyways, i've rambled on for far too long and i know this letter will just be crumpled up as the ink fades away, much like any memory anyone has ever had of me.

so, goodbye. goodbye to myself. and goodbye to the pretty face that i'll lastly interact with.

~george henry davidson november 15th, 12:23 am. "

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A/N: the suicide note is not meant to undermine the seriousness of suicide at all, and i hope it doesn't give off that vibe

each chapter will have a song at the top that i feel either matches to mood of it or the lyrics are fitting to whatever happens in the chapter. 

additionally, i know everyone creates their own images in their head of what they picture the characters to look and dress like, but i have some that inspired me to design them the way i did. feel free to ignore these, but this is how i picture the characters in my imagination:

george~

dream~

vote? >:) have a stupendous day

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