Selena is a twenty-three year old girl living in New York with her best friend James. The two have been best friend since they first met in kindergarten. In the company they work for, James works as the CFO for the Management board, while Selena is...
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I let out a nervous breath. I wasn't aware I was holding and unlocking the door and opening it. Killian stands there with his hands in his pockets.
He looks up at me and gives me the smallest of a smile. I return a half smile and scoot to the side so he can come in.
He walks past me and I close the door and lock it. I take in a deep breath and let it out, suddenly feeling extremely nervous and anxious.
"Are you thirsty.. or hungry.. or anything?" I ask quietly.
"No, I'm fine, thanks." He answers.
As I was about to say something James emerges from the hallway and plops down on the couches and turns on the television.
"I thought you went to bed?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.
"I was going to but since you woke me up from the couchI couldn't fall back asleep." He shrugs.
"Hello James." Killian greets.
"Fuck boy." James says with a nod.
"Oh my gosh, okay um, we'll be in my room." I say and James snickers.
Killian follows me to my room and you can basically cut through the tension with a knife. I go to sit on my bed and he takes a seat on my vanity chair.
"I'm here so.. talk." He says.
"I just.. I miss you I guess. I don't know. I felt bad for blowing up on you the way I did when I walked in on you. I'm sorry." I frown.
"You're apologizing for getting mad over what you walked in on? Are you kidding me?" He furrows his eyebrows.
"Well, no? I mean I yelled and snapped at you I had no right to-"
"You had every damn right to yell at me. I pushed you away Selena. I ignored you so I wouldn't have to deal with you. Deal with the guild I had for ending us because I was too much of a coward to own up to the way I feel about you. You walked in on me with an employee for fucks sake and you're apologizing? I should be the one to say I'm sorry. Sorry for what you saw. Sorry for dissing you at my sister's party. Sorry for ignoring you. Sorry for pushing you away. Sorry for confusing you all the time. Sorry that I can't be what you want." He says.
"What do you mean you can't be what I want? You are what I want. Don't you get that? Killian, any girl would drop the guy if she walked in what I did. But I can't. You make me happy.. yeah you can be confusing but you're not perfect nor am I. And relationships aren't supposed to be perfect and easy. They're dumb, and difficult and stressful but all that just pulls the two together." I sigh.
"I saw you with Leo today." He says.
"Yeah I know.." I nod.
"I saw how happy you looked. We've only known each other for about two months and dated for just a little over one month but I've never seen you smile the way you did that way with me. And we've spent a lot of time together.
That was your what?, the second time hanging out with Leo.. and you had this look in your eyes and your smile was so.. real. I can tell that you get along with him well and it was obviously easier getting along with him than me. I don't want to hurt you.. more, if I already have." He says as he runs his hand through his hair.
"What part of you make me happy do you not understand?" I ask.
"I understand it perfectly Selena." He snaps.
"But I don't deserve you. I'm just going to ruin you, and you'll end up hating me. You say I make you happy but it sure as hell doesn't look like it. And if I do, then you deserve to be happier than you are. Don't settle for less than you deserve because, once you start to settle, you always will." He sighs.
"You don't get to choose who you fall for. I wasn't expecting this from you, but then we started seeing each other more and more and it happened. You're all wrong but all right for me all at the same time and you piss me off as I do you which makes everything so complicated sometimes it's hard to explain but would a relationship be without all that?" I frown.
"Easy." He answers.
"And that's boring. There's no challenge so what's the point?" I ask.
"The point is you wouldn't get headaches because of me. I wouldn't stress you out or make you mad or make you cry. You'd smile all the time and not worry about me messing it all up and breaking you in the end." He answers.
"Your main focus is all the negatives. Why? Why can't you just accept that I'm happy with you. You're what I want." I frown.
"Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve, Selena." He says lowly.
"You're scared." I mumble.
"What?" He asks looking up at me.
"You were scared. You're still scared. Scared that someone is going to realize that you're flawless smile and bright eyes have nothing in common with the broken parts that make up who you are." I say.
You're scared of dealing with love again. I can tell you're closed off and are hard to talk to and don't open up easily and you have this guard up all the time, but I'm still here." I continue.
I still care about you the same. I haven't been with someone in a long time, my last relationship was horrible and I stayed in it for almost a year dealing with the abuse, verbal and physical abuse. It took a lot for me to get up and go back out there. But I'm not going to dwell on the past and compare him to you. I gave you a chance, and I was happy. So... you need to give me a chance to prove to you I'm not whoever it was that hurt you." I say.
"Because I care about you way too much to just let you go because you think you don't deserve me. I'm gonna care and you're gonna have to deal with it because, I can't unfeel this way." I end.
No matter what I try.
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